Although the roots of your fears are understandable, they stop you from enjoying the best parts of love.
Can the pain of getting your heart broken be enough to keep you from falling in love again? I don't think so. Falling in love is something that just happens when you least expect it, and you can’t really force it. Still, that lack of control over our feelings is what might make everything a little scary. No matter how much we hide our feelings, deny them, or try to stop them from appearing, they’ll be there. According to Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks, authors of Conscious Loving, this need to hide our feelings or to stop ourselves from falling in love with someone can happen due to our fear of being hurt or fear of losing our independence in a relationship. These two fears are completely understandable. Most of us have felt the pain of getting our heart broken, and it's definitely something to be scared of. Also, being in a relationship with someone can sometimes end up depriving people of their independence and lead to codependency. Although the roots of both fears are understandable, they end up keeping us from enjoying the best parts of falling in love. Here are five reasons why you should forget about those fears, accept your feelings, love someone, and allow yourself to be loved.
Most of the time, fear is a bad adviser
If you’re in the wild and a tiger is about to attack you, fear is your best friend, of course. Fear’s main purpose is to protect us. That’s why, unless our life is truly in danger, fear is only a noisy drama queen we shouldn’t really listen to. Why? Because instead of actually protecting us, it’s keeping us from opportunities and great experiences like falling in love. This fear might protect us from the pain of being hurt by someone, but it's based on an experience that hasn’t even happened. What do I mean by this? I mean that maybe you were hurt in the past, but that doesn’t mean the same thing will happen in a different relationship. You won’t see that until you tell your fears to shut up, and accept your feelings.
The good moments outnumber the bad ones
One of the best parts about falling in love is that it literally changes the way you see the world. When you're head over heels for someone, just dreaming and fantasizing about being with them is nice. You even begin to understand why princesses in movies sing with cute birds and fluffy forest animals about the person they’re in love with. However, it gets even better when you actually start dating that person. Don’t think about it as a happily-ever-after: it's the beginning of a new journey with someone you care about and love to spend time with.
You’ll discover being vulnerable has its perks
This is very related to the first point. One of the most logical thoughts that feed your fear of falling in love is knowing that you’ll be vulnerable to someone else. However, is this really a bad thing? What we see as vulnerability is actually the openness to be honest with someone about your life, your feelings, your thoughts, and dreams. It's letting someone know you as you are, which is necessary for them to love you deeply.
You find someone to share your life with
First things first, I’m not talking about finding a partner for life. In fact, the belief that your partner will be the person you spend the rest of your life with can be one of the reasons keeping you from falling in love because behind that thought there’s the fear of failing and not finding “the one.” It’s better to think of it as finding someone who will walk with you for a part of your life. Whether it lasts or not, those moments you share together will enrich your life.
You get a more realistic view of love
Most people are afraid to fall in love because they see it as a black-and-white thing: either it's a fairy tale with a happy ending or it's a complete failure that’ll turn you into the bitter single aunt that gets drunk by herself because she can’t get over her lost love. As it happens with most fears, unless you face the situation, you’ll let your unrealistic views on the object of your fear stop you from facing it or even realizing it isn’t that bad. When you allow yourself to love someone, you’ll see it's far more complex and beautiful than just finding your soulmate because it was your destiny or failing disastrously and never being in love again. Each relationship has its own colors and nuances, so they're all different. Nonetheless, you won’t discover that unless you accept the feelings you have for that person and let yourself begin a new chapter of your life with someone by your side.
Although I’ve just mentioned five reasons, the moment you let yourself to fall in love you’ll see the pros will outweigh the cons far more than you would’ve expected. But if you still have some doubts, here are other interesting reads you should check out:
Photos by Dakota Chasity