For me, waiting for someone is a sign that the relationship isn't meant to be, but let's see.
The Notebook is considered one of the greatest modern classics of love, right? But why is that people find it so moving and heartwarming when the story isn’t that intense or that great of a story anyway? The thing is that it resorts to the formula of the socially unequal couple who don’t care about their differences but end up being victims of their time. However, it doesn’t matter because when love is pure and truthful, it can wait an eternity for the timing to be right. I know, it sounds beautiful and amazing but as the woman who turned into a famous meme said, “ain’t nobody got time for that”! Seriously, life is too short to want to feel like a romance hero and just wait till the person you love has the time or is at the right moment to reciprocate your emotions. So, what’s the right amount of time to actually let another person make up their mind about you?
So, we can agree that relationships and love aren’t really as portrayed in these movies, and that love isn’t something that we really experience only once in our lifetime. The thing is that the image of love being patience and sacrifice has been so ingrained into us that whenever we meet someone we develop emotions for, we tend to believe that this is a pure feeling and we have to pull out all the stops to make it work. Even when they aren’t in the same place at the moment nor will ever be. Yes, there are rare cases when the person you like is actually going through something really difficult and that they’re doing their best to put their sh*t together to spare you the trouble. But that might be a romanticized situation as the romantic movies we love watching.
What’s most likely to be the situation when this question comes to light is that they’re not really in the same place as you are and, being such hopeless romantics, we believe that it’s our duty in the name of love to wait for them for as long as they see fit to either change their mind or go away. But the key in all this is in the title of the article and the phase I just said, “make up their mind.” We’re not really dealing with someone that loves us back but is in a very difficult place as the situation I posted before. No, here the thing is that you’re hoping for them to think differently about you and let me tell you that basically never happens.
I mean, yes, we can really see someone we know for a while differently at some point in life. But when a person doesn’t see you that way, it’s very difficult for them to change that, so if you ask me, the ideal amount of time to wait for someone should be none. I’m telling you all this out of experience. No matter how much you do to let them see who you are and how valuable you are, if there wasn’t an initial spark it will never happen. Even if you’ve had flings with that person, if it didn’t evolve into something else at the moment, the chances of this casual event turning into true love, or even a more formal relationship, are quite low.
I know, because I’ve been there, that it isn’t as easy as saying it out loud that it’s a waste of time, because our minds can be really stubborn bit***s, but the sooner you realize this isn’t more of a futile quest, the easier it’ll be for you to move on and really become available for someone else that does see you the same way. Or not, that’s another thing we tend to base the success of our lives in relation to love, and that shouldn’t really be the case. If that person you’re highly interested in doesn’t like you back, you don’t really have to look for some replacement. Just live your life, but don’t waste your time in something that will only leave you with a broken heart and a bad perception of love.
We might think that waiting for love is the ultimate sign of loyalty and that our patience will be paid back with immense and the purest of loves. The truth is that at the end of the day, you’ll only realize that you’ve lost quite a lot of time chasing an impossible. Or it might happen that they, in all their kindness or benevolence (and this is sarcasm, of course), will make up your mind and decide to give you a chance, only for you to realize that it isn’t really what you expected. Because when it’s real love, it just happens, you don’t have to convince the other to feel it as well.
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Images by @huntergillman