Why Keeping Secrets From Your Partner Isnt Only Fine But The Secret To A Healthy Relationship

Keeping certain details to yourself may be one of the healthiest things you can do.

We all have secrets, those little stories and anecdotes that shape our lives in many ways. There are lots of things that we keep to ourselves, that we consciously chose not to share with anybody, not even our own shadow. Most of the time, we decide to do so because many of those memories were very hurtful, too intimate, or simply they feel like too embarrassing to be displayed. When it comes to relationships, secrets can be a deal breaker. Not sharing them, or sharing too much of them, can be the reason behind unnecessary fights and sometimes even breakups. Before you feel you’re doing something wrong, relax. Keeping secrets from your partner is in fact a good thing, and not just for you, but for your relationship.

When we start dating someone, we are expected to be honest and truthful. Of course, it’s very important to do so, but it’s also important to be careful about what you share, not because you’re hiding something bad (like an infidelity), but because there is personal stuff that should remain that way, unless the time arrives to address it. For example, the number of sex partners. We all know that the digit itself can be an issue to a lot of people, so if the matter doesn’t come up, then don’t bring it up. Maybe you partner hasn’t even thought about that, and if you decide to tell them, they can end up feeling really uncomfortable.

Keeping secrets can be healthy because you also get to have that part of yourself that's just for you. Very often, in relationships, people tend to lose themselves into each other. They share absolutely everything, and end up regretting it later, not because they regret being open to them, but because the things they shared may turn into reasons to fight, to reprimand, or even cheat. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s does happen. For example, you might admit to your partner that, many years ago, you had a crush on someone who is still a close friend of yours. Those are the kind of truths that won’t help make your relationship better by telling them. So you might as well keep crushes to yourself, unless they’re actually messing with your relationship.

Having secrets for yourself doesn’t mean you have stopped loving your S.O. On the contrary, deciding what kind of information will help you grow stronger and which won’t is actually a very mature way to create a lasting bond. The basic facts about you will be eventually known, but your own “dark side” can surface too. Maybe at some point, you’ll end up sharing intimate anecdotes, but in the ideal place and time, not just because you felt like it or you wanted to brag about something. This kind of secret keeping is what can maintain a relationship healthy and strong. That’s why it’s so important to ponder the things you’re willing to tell your partner, and the thing you won’t share. This doesn't mean you don't trust them, but you actually care enough about them (and yourself) to be spreading unnecessary information that might end up harming your relationship.

So don’t worry if you don’t feel like sharing your entire life with your partner. It’s not a bad thing. In time, you’ll get to see that doing so is part of a healthy practice that can lead to a long lasting story!


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Photo Credit: Nicole Ashley