As time passes we’d like to believe that everything in our relationship is the same as it was when it first started. Yet we feel like something is not quite right. We’re tired of the same routine. Kisses seem like a quota to be fulfilled. The morning’s gentle caresses have been overcome by the desire to sleep separately to get more sleep.
This relationship is stuck in a rut. Neither one can move forward because of fear to leave our partner and not find someone new. We long for the good times when every place was filled with laughter. Those days when a word wasn’t needed to know what the other needed. It’s all over now, and we lie to ourselves to convince our own minds that it’ll get better, because we can get through it.
We asked the women at Cultura Colectiva about the lies they’ve told themselves to keep with a dead-end relationship. Based on the amount of answers we could’ve created at least two lists but here are the most recurring ones we got.
They’ll change
It’s the oldest lie in the book, and yet we still fall for the concept of changing our partner. People can change. They grow because of time and experiences, not because you will them to.
This is just a phase
Because every relationship goes through highs and lows and it won’t be long before you and your partner are out of this funk.
This is the last time
How many times have we muttered this one under our breath? All your friends know your tired speeches where you promise to quit no matter what. But then your partner gives you some excuses, and you fall for it again.
We just need time
Take a vacation together, talk about it, stop focusing on your issues, as well as many other plans that promise to save your doomed relationship. Time heals, but it can’t solve every problem.
I should be patient
Patience and understanding are pillars of a relationship. But relying too heavily on patience can lead down a path of desperation and resentment.
They’re going through a hard time
We start to believe it’s just our partner who is going through a crisis and not as a couple. Family issues, school, work, any excuse is good enough to justify their actions.
We both need to compromise
Surely it’s easier to think that it’s all happening because we aren’t putting all of our energy and effort into making it work.
It’s me
Once we’ve reached this point, the underlying issue could be that our self-esteem has been neglected from trying to save this sinking ship.
I know what they’re really like
We’ve created an idea of the person we care about and choose to devote ourselves to them. From that moment on it doesn’t matter what they do, because we’ll ignore their faults and forgive even their most hurtful actions.
We all make mistakes
Our partner’s flaws become undeniable, but all we can do is forgive them as hard as it may seem. We begin to compare their mistakes with ours even though there’s no point of comparison.
Nobody will love me like they do
Fear might be what’s keeping this relationship going. We think we won’t find anyone else like the person we swore would be our life partner. When we choose to abandon this toxic relationship, we’ll find how prospects out there have more in common with us.
But I love this person
Loving the person we’re with is a beautiful thing. But if we figure out that what we’re calling love is just a habit, then what we truly need is to take a breather and think it through. We might realize that while there’s still love, nothing else seems to keep the relationship going.
Nobody’s perfect
This might seem like a logical declaration. However, not being perfect does not excuse someone from neglecting us or being part of a detrimental relationship.
I should be more understanding
Yes, but putting ourselves in their shoes is something borne out of love and commitment rather than an obligation. If we feel like the qualities that first attracted us to our partner are no longer there, it might be time to say goodbye.
They need to blow off some steam
When we’re dealing with partying, drugs, or infidelity we must remember our own worth. It’s not about the other person relaxing and having fun, but both parties enjoying life together.
Translated by María Suárez
