Somebody told you ‘cause you got to know
That all you ever gonna have to count on
Or gonna want to lean on
It’s gonna feel just like those raindrops do
When they’re falling down, honey, all around you
– Nina Simone
As the sun’s rays disappear behind the horizon, while listening to the blue sound of Nina Simone's voice, you see clouds telling of a midnight storm that’s not far off. You don’t need to be a creative artist to know that some days are painted in a particular hue or that certain moments have their own Pantone. We carry them through our clothes, the plates we use, our intentions, movement, even in the way we love.
Taking from several studies on psychology and philosophy, one obvious finding is that there is not one correct way to love. If we think of attitudes and personalities as primary colors, we’ll come to the conclusion that there’s a color wheel that can provide a particular shading or combination that best describes the way each of us can love.
Experts have identified six styles of love that can vary in intensity or hue. To discover these particular traits, we need only answer the following questions. If your answer is mostly yes to a particular category, you’ve identified the Pantone of your personality.
My partner and I were immediately attracted to each other from the moment we met.
I feel like my partner and I have the perfect chemistry.
Sex is always an intense and satisfying experience.
I feel like both of us were meant for each other.
Both of us were emotionally in sync from the start.
We totally get each other.
My partner perfectly fits my ideal standards on a physical and intellectual level.
I try to keep my commitment level slightly ambiguous.
I always want my partner to be uncertain about my position.
I keep my partner in the dark about my past relationships.
I know I could get over breaking up with my current partner in no time.
My partner would get upset if they knew more about my past.
I tend to withdraw when I feel my partner is too interested.
I get involved with other people even while I’m in a stable relationship.
If you agree with most of the above, then you like to live in the Ludus side of love. You see romance as a game with winners and losers, and you always want to stay on top.
It’s hard to figure out when a friend has become a possible romantic partner.
I’m always super careful when I’m starting a new relationship.
I want to be friends with my partner.
I believe relationships borne out of friendship are the best kind.
My feelings towards my partner are more of a deep friendship than a mystical sort of connection.
The best kind of love has a strong friendship at its core.
The Greek concept of Storge implies that in your romantic connections you place friendship above love. You rather have trust than passion.
I think about my partner’s plans for the future before getting too involved.
I have carefully set plans for my life before even choosing a partner.
I made an informed decision when selecting my significant other given our shared experiences.
My partner’s opinion on my family is a dealbreaker.
I consider my future partner’s possible parenting skills.
I care about what my partner thinks of my profession.
I analyze relationships based on what can happen in the future.
This hybrid of Ludus and Storge means your relationships are considered not unlike a business plan, with pros/cons and probabilities added up.
My health is a reflection of my romantic status.
I get really depressed after a breakup.
When I’m falling in love, my schedule and habits go out the window.
I feel sick when my partner isn’t paying me enough attention.
I can’t focus on anything when I’m in a relationship.
I can’t relax if I suspect my partner is with someone else.
I do stupid things to regain or grab all of my partner’s attention.
If you agree with most, then you’re living in the kingdom of obsession. Your Eros is borderline maniacal. Take care of your self-esteem and stop overdoing it.
I’m always there for my partner during the hard times.
Of the two of us I rather be the one in pain.
I’m only happy when my partner’s happiness comes first.
I’m always willing to sacrifice my wishes so that my significant other can fulfill theirs.
Everything that’s mine is theirs.
I always love my partner, no matter what happens.
I’d do anything for my partner’s wellbeing.
This blend between Eros and Storge is Agape. This love based on sacrifice is an unbreakable and selfless form of commitment. It’s not that you don’t love yourself; it’s that giving your entire self makes you feel good.
So, what’s the color of your love?
Hendrick’s Love Attitudes Scale. University of Texas.
Translated by María Suárez