Here's How You Make Long Distance Relationships Work
1 de noviembre de 2017Maria Suarez
It might not be for you in the end, but there are plenty of ways to try to make it work.
Knowing you’ll be facing moments of separation with your partner can be difficult. We’ve all been there at one point. You meet someone you really connect with, but eventually either one of you has to move because of school or work. It’s understandable. Despite how strong your feelings for each other are, you can’t expect for someone to put their life on hold for you or give up on your own personal growth. Either situation is more of a relationship killer than anything else. You’re basically setting the whole thing up for eventual feelings of resentment. Instead, there’s nothing wrong with trying to go the long-distance route. It might not be for you in the end, but there are plenty of ways to try to make it work.
The first part is scheduling. While this sounds as the least sexy part of it all, if both of you are committed to keep the spark from fading, you’ll need to get organized. If both of you were in the same town, you probably could get away with setting up a date of meet-up by text an hour or two prior to meeting. But when you’re farther away than a few miles, you’ll need to figure out at what times it’s best to call each other, when it’s cool to do video-calls, as well as the ideal moment for phone sex. You might want to rethink the whole surprising you partner by Face-Timing them naked. You don’t want to suddenly be seen by other commuters on the train or worse, his co-workers.
There's More Out There Than Virtual Reality
Another important thing to note is that technology is not the only form of communication. Send each other care packages and snail-mail letters. It’s a great way to add something each of you can hold in your hands. This way, there’s less a feeling of having a virtual reality partner. Get creative with your gifts. They don’t need to be expensive. They can be little tokens to remember each other. A collage with printed out pictures will say more than a million sent by email. A set of postcards from a museum or place you visited, filled out with your personal messages, is sure to be more special than an expensive present.
Set The Rules
There are many ways to keep a relationship going from afar. For some people, having a clear understanding of where they stand helps keep it going. Not everyone has the same kind of arrangement. For some, having a sort of open relationship is less constricting. Yet even for this agreement there needs to be some rules. Can you date other people? And if so, should you let your partner know of each date or only the ones where there was some sort of physical contact? What would constitute as cheating? What boundaries cannot be crossed? The more you are willing to discuss these terms, the more you’ll stray away from misunderstandings that could damage your connection.
Keep Your Feet On The Ground
Last, but not least, I think it’s time we talk about keeping your expectations on the side of reality. While staying together while apart is harder than the option of living relatively close, you should still maintain some perspective. Things end. You might stay together but you might not. If it’s not working out, don’t overdo or stretch it. Do put in the effort, but let your common sense and intuition guide you. If you’re placing your energy into keeping everything afloat, make sure it’s mutual. You don’t want to be the only one working for your relationship. If, at some point you realize that it’s become emotionally draining, you’ll need to have a serious talk with your partner on what to do. Either one of you will have to make the move or it will be time to close the chapter.
This isn’t an easy decision, nor one that should be taken lightly. Have a real conversation with your partner. Tell them your fears and concerns. Hear them out as well. It’s difficult, but it could also strengthen your bond. Not everyone’s story is the same. Write your own ending before calling it quits. You never know what might happen.