“You can’t do that.” “Wait until I get there.” “Let me explain.” “It’s a man’s job.” “I know how to fix this.” Your partner uses all these expressions to condescend and control you. Mansplaining is the name psychology gives to the game men play to position themselves a step above us when they “over explain” or make chauvinistic conjectures.This occurs when a man, or your partner, tries to explain a subject you already comprehend while attempting to distort your understanding, so that he can take on a role that’s not rightfully his. Our partner is not our master, mentor, tutor, teacher, or benefactor. He’s there to support and stand by us during our best and worst moments, not to solve everything he thinks we don’t know or can’t do. Stepping into this kind of dynamic can have serious repercussions in the future of the relationship.When a man tries to makes us think we don’t understand something, just because we’re women, he’s not just being misogynistic. He’s throwing us into a downward spiral that makes him absolutely necessary to us. His constant disproval, ironic corrections, and limiting our opinions is basically him asking us to give him our independence. Rebecca Solnit named the concept and developed it in her world renowned book, Men Explain Things to Me (2014). The book has created an awakening of women to rescue their sovereignty as capable, intelligent, and independent human beings. There are no female or male issues; our sex doesn’t make us more or less likely to know or fix something. Mansplaining is not just a term used to identify how men try to overpower women. It’s also the main subject in some of the films that portray the process by which a woman can lose herself completely to her partner’s lies.
My King (2015) – Maïwenn
Abuse isn’t just yelling and blows. Silencing a person in order to become the only voice with the absolute truth is one of the worst aggressions a person can endure. That’s exactly what Georgio constantly does to his partner, Tony. He tries to convince her that she’s completely in charge of the situation as he asks for her consent on everything he does. But he made sure to first convince her that everything he says, thinks, and does is best, and even beneficial for her.Tony, Georgio’s victim, ends up believing each and every one of those words and lies. After feeling completely alone and depressed once she realizes he’s deceived her, she’s still unable to recover since there’s is nothing left that isn’t his, because for her to be with him meant she had to give up all her autonomy.
The Words (2012) – Brian Klugman, Lee Sternthal
Shutting you up with a kiss seems like a romantic gesture at first. But what if it’s to silence something that needs to be said? What if the one you love needs to truly understand this? Being silenced can be frustrating, and that’s how Dora feels. Her partner Rory is a writer who thinks he knows all the answers and has the greatest talent. When he realizes that his novels are not good, he starts lying to himself and his partner. In the end, Rory underestimates his partner to the point of making up a life they don’t actually have. Whenever Dora questions him, he always has an excuse to correct a flaw of hers and never allows the subject to be about something he’s not an “expert” in. Third Person (2013) – Paul Haggis
This director surprises us with this smart and unpredictable story that captures the true essence of mansplaining. Men’s insecurity, as Rebeca Solnit describes, leads them to have to prove that their knowledge, education, experience, and worth is higher than that of a woman. This is because they fear that facing their flaws will be unbearable.Criticism is the last thing a man who burdens his partner with these kinds of arguments expects. As we see in Third Person, trust and modesty are not something they know how to handle. They require constant cheering from their partner, or at least the need to feel necessary to someone else’s life. Serena (2014) – Susanne Bier
At first glance they seem to be the perfect couple. But it all changes when George, Serena’s partner, tries to uproot her. George’s mistake is to underestimate her. She never questions him yet uncovers each of his lies. In order to keep up with his deceit, George treats her better than he would any other woman. But whenever she tries to bring up the truth, he tells her it will all work out, since he knows more about the problem and solution than anyone else.Serena becomes increasingly less tolerant to the oppression her husband has imposed on her. But she can’t find the will to fight him, because the strong independent woman has dissolved with all the times George has made her feel fragile and incapable of doing anything without him.Uncertainty is the worst torture a person can go through. Not knowing where you stand, doubting yourself, living between truth and lies, and not being able to trust your own mind are just some of the anxious situations mansplaining puts women in. By trying to be supporting and understanding, the victim allows herself to be manipulated until disapproval and condescension becomes an everyday thing.Men Explain Things to Me puts mansplaining on the radar, denouncing women being slighted by their partners. It can be anything, from a kiss to shut us up to an insult of a man trying to explain something we already understand. It is the action of a man trying to prove his worth by bringing ours down.
Translated by María Suárez
