“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” But what if they were actually meant to be? That’s why I hate random made up phrases like these so much. They’re so generic that they seem to relate to anybody, but end up being so random that they don’t work the same for everybody. I don’t really believe in that romantic idea stating that there’s one perfect soulmate, or any other random phrase meaning that there’s only one person destined for us. I think love works in so many different ways. Believing there’s only one chance seems depressing, especially if you’re just dealing with a breakup and, worst of all, if that person you’ve just ended with seemed to be “the one.”
It always happens the same way: either you’ve been with a person for such a long time that you already had the idea you were going to be together forever, or you met a person that meets all your requirements, and losing them gives you the impression that you’ll never find someone perfect for you, no matter the reason behind your breakup. To make things worse, it’s like a golden rule of nosy people that at least someone will say lovely things like, “What happened? I thought you both were meant for each other,” or my favorite, “Don’t worry, you’ll get back anytime soon. I mean, you’re soulmates.”
The thing with these types of phrases is that they don’t help you at all when you’re trying to overcome a breakup. Why? Simple, they work as invisible microchips that go straight to your brain and unleash a series of thoughts that end up making you doubt whether you made the right decision in ending the relationship. On the other hand, if you didn’t end it, they make you cling to that past relationship without letting you move on.
They’re the worst, seriously. While your mind goes over and over the idea that that person was really the one for you, you’re blinded from seeing objectively. I mean, the relationship ended for a reason, and while there are many cases in which couples get back together, doing it in a rush just because you’re thinking they are the one and you can’t let go will only make things worse.
Let me go back to the beginning, I don’t think there is such thing as a soulmate. For me, it’s more of an issue of affinity and personalities that fit together, and at the end of the day, if you ask me, that’s basically the key to a good relationship. Being compatible with another person, sharing tastes for things, having similar life goals. Anything but a romanticized illusion of Cupid hitting two random people with their arrows and dictating that they’re meant to be together.
Most importantly, even when you think the person you just broke up with is the perfect one, your soulmate, or the one you’re meant to be with, let things cool, move on, try new things in your life, meet some new people, instead of tormenting yourself with an illusion, and if the random phrase is right, you might end up together once again; if not, you’ll be already over it.
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For more breakup tips and facts, take a look at these:
How To Detox Your Post-Breakup Sexual Energy
Why Do Our Brains Go Into Obsessed-Mode After Being Jilted?
Things You Do On Facebook After A Breakup That Make You Feel Worse
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Images by @lucetteromy
