As nasty as breakups are, the moments right before them can be even worse.
Breakups are a long and exhausting process during which, although a part of ourselves knows it’s imminent, our stubbornness prevents us from thinking clearly and taking that big step. Yes, it’s painful seeing how a relationship you’ve invested quite a lot of your time, emotions, and energy in is doomed, but most of the time, we already know it’s the best thing for everybody. So, why is it so hard to make that decision? Why do we wait for something horrible to happen to actually do it? I believe that most of the time it’s an internal struggle between our stubbornness, cowardice, and a hope for things to work out by themselves. Below are ten moments all of us go through when a breakup is on the horizon. You know what they say about the calm before the storm: if you don't do anything about it, it’s just a matter of time before things get nasty.
1. You feel the need to check their phone
The first sign that should tell us this is it, is when all of a sudden you stop trusting your partner. You’ve noticed they’re kind of strange with you, and even though it might not be anything, the first thing that comes to mind is that they must be cheating on you. In some cases (sorry to tell you), you might right, but in others, it's just that the relationship isn’t going anywhere, and neither of you has the guts to actually make the decision to end things for good. If you’ve lost your trust in them and feel that impulse to check their phone looking for evidence, before doing it, I strongly recommend that you analyze the situation and make sure you end things properly.
2. You don't care about making a scene anymore
Again, when a relationship is ending, your will to solve things in a healthy and reasonable way also ends because you don’t really have any motivation to work things out. A clear sign that you’re reaching that stage is that you keep arguing about everything, everywhere, whether there are other people around or not. One sign of a mature and committed couple is their ability to find the best moments to discuss things; when that’s lost, it's because you don’t really care about what that fight might be leading to. Perhaps, without even knowing it, you’re already hoping for this fight to be the last one.
3. You'd rather go out with friends/or someone else rather than your S.O.
Again, at this point, the last thing you want to do is spend time with that person because you know it can unleash the worst in both of you. For that reason, it’s common for people in this situation to hang out more with their friends, family, or basically anyone rather than their partners. It’s that fear of facing the inevitable.
4. You broke up before and got back together
There are cases when the relationship has gone through this situation before, and you managed to fix things, and for that reason, once you’re heading there again, one part of you knows the end is coming, but at the same time, since you already went through this, you resist to accept it’s over for good. Most likely, if the relationship is in that dark spot again, it’s either because that’s the nature of your relationship (which isn’t really that great), or because you’re just not meant for each other. So, let go!
5. You're stalking your ex on social media all of a sudden
Once you start looking around, it’s pretty much over: it means that a part of you has already moved on from the relationship. If you're suddenly back to stalking your ex, it's probably because you’re desperate to end your current relationship and you think that it would be easier to get back with your ex than to start a new relationship from scratch. However, before you make any rash decisions, really think about the consequences, and more importantly, if it's really what you want.
6. Other prospects become very interesting
This one goes hand in hand with the previous one. It’s no secret that we’re all afraid of being alone, especially when we know that it’s quite possible for it to be a reality, at least for a while. That’s why, in an egocentric attempt to avoid loneliness, even before breaking up, we start looking for new possibilities and secure something before actually ending things with our current partner. It’s absolutely normal, to be honest, but the bad thing about this is that, in that urge to find someone, we run the risk of going after someone who might not be the best for us.
7. You stop wanting to share with them the things that you care about
At the beginning of a relationship, we want to be with our partner all day and talk about the things that matter to us. As the relationship evolves, if it’s a healthy and mature one, this becomes a routine habit in which both people share their opinions and the things they are passionate about. However, when things aren’t going as they should and a breakup is already on the horizon, you lose that passion and desire to share stuff with them; you don’t want to invest your energy in someone that might not share that excitement. When that passion is gone, there’s probably nothing else you can do but face reality.
8. Things you used to love start annoying you
When you’re head over heels with someone, everything about them is perfect: their flaws are just lovely quirks that make them special and unique, and there’s nothing wrong with them. But when love starts to fade away, you start getting annoyed about basically everything, and there comes a point where you can’t really stand them. That should really be your cue to just leave things in peace and move on.
9. Sex doesn’t excite you as much as before
The previous point translates to your intimacy as well. There’s no doubt that when we’re in love sex becomes way more emotional and exciting, but when their quirks start turning into annoying flaws, if sex with that person isn’t amazing and the emotional bond is no longer there, there’s a huge possibility that sex might be what ends up pulling you apart.
10. Your life projects don’t match anymore
Finally, you should really think and see if your life projects don't match anymore; if they don't, there’s nothing you can really do to make things work. That’s for sure. When you start a relationship, you compromise a lot and make plans together. I’m not talking about getting married or having kids necessarily, but you start picturing a future with this person and working together to make it happen. However, when that’s not a reality, there’s isn’t really a possible outcome in which both of you will be happy.
Yes, breakups can be one of the worst things we experience in life, and we tend to see them as the worst thing that can happen to us emotionally. However, most of the time, we don’t realize that those moments prior to them are actually the worst and most harmful ones. If you think you’re going through at least one of the listed before, I think it’s time to really think about the future of the relationship, and see what’s best for you.
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Images by @philchester