What should you do when your partner breaks your heart just before Christmas?
This text was written by Lucía Nieto. You can read more of her articles on her relationship blog.
When someone breaks your heart, you have two options: you can either try to do everything you can to heal until you feel ready to give love another chance, or you can give up on love and lock your heart in a safe cage and focus on hating your ex. I decided to be part of the second group, and let me tell you something: I didn’t want to hear anything about love or relationships, ever.
However, all my friends were in relationships. In fact, everybody seemed to be in love during Christmas time. I was constantly reminded how lonely I had suddenly become as well as the cruel way he had used to destroy my heart. But I’ll get back to this part later.
When a relationship ends, especially if it’s a long-term relationship, your world suddenly stops. At least it feels that way. Coming home after a long day at work becomes more tiring than work itself. Walking by Christmas lights and the happiness of other couples suddenly became sickening. I knew I had to do something. Christmas celebrations were coming.
I religiously started hating my ex while I decided to cage my heart and protect it from being hurt again. It wasn’t an easy decision. I went through different phases after my breakup, hoping to feel better, so I wouldn’t spend a miserable Christmas break.
The first phase I went through was realizing that my partner wasn’t the person I thought he was. In fact, he was a huge disappointment. All those love promises ended up being completely false. I felt I had been lied to. I was disappointed, angry.
Then I realized that perhaps I should have done things differently, so we could still be together. Guilt and regret sank in. At this point the worst part came. I started missing him: Christmas without him, life without him, love without him, ,me without him. Him. Him. Him. Stupid him.
Little by little, after a constant mental reminder of how stupid he was (I would even dare to say, how stupid he is), I found myself despising him. It was hate, total hate, and let me tell you something: it felt good. The more I thought about Christmas celebrations being around the corner, the more I would hate him, and the more I found myself hating him, the freer I felt.
So basically this is what happened: Heartbreak = Disappointment + Anger + Regret + Hate + Guilt.
The thing is, when the common denominator in that equation is your ex, then the solution is easy: eliminating the common denominator. However, instead of eliminating him from my thoughts, I decided to allow my heart to hate him with all my guts, and it worked!
Christmas holidays finally arrived, and while everybody was happily sharing love, presents and affection, I was secretly hating my boyfriend every single minute. This included every time somebody asked me about him, about how he was doing and what had happened. I was doing well because I didn’t miss him anymore. I just hated him and somehow it helped me realize how okay I was without him.
Wait, I haven’t said it all: I was also incredibly honest when my friends and family saw me alone during the Christmas celebrations and felt bad about me. My answer was always the same: he’s stupid. The more I said it out loud, the better I felt. Christmas helped me realize that I was fine by myself and I didn’t need him.
Christmas can be a tough time just after a break up. It was true at the beginning, until I realized, after being constantly reminded about the fact that all my friends and family were in relationships, that my ex was actually an asshole. My Christmas was fine, and although my heart remained guarded for a while, it finally found its way back towards freedom.
Images by Derek Freske
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