It’s a general belief that narcissism is one of the main traits of millennials. . Gadgets like the selfie stick, posting hundreds of self-portraits on social media, publishing vain phrases on social networks, among others, are some of the behaviors that have made this generation one of the most egocentric of all times.
These elements define the levels of narcissism we embody as a society in terms of communication. But they’re no reflection of the way we love others. The need to feel superior or be admired by our peers is part of the human condition. Nonetheless, this situation becomes a real problem when it starts affecting our relationships, especially romantic ones.
There are two kinds of narcissism: one we could define as natural and the other that tends to be toxic. The first is based on admiration and revolves around:
1.Becoming someone that can survive in your environment. This means being concerned with perceived as a charismatic person.
2. Feeling especial as a motivation to achieve your goals.
3. Being happy and satisfied with who you are and what you are capable of.
The second type of narcissism, the toxic one, is based on rivalry. This ends up hurting both the person who practices it and people around them. Moreover, it prevents that person from engaging in healthy, honest, and long relationships. Their ego drives them to:
1. Believe other people are losers compared to them.
2. Constantly wish failure for their rivals since nobody else is capable of winning.
3. Being unable to bear that someone else is the center of attention..
The differences between both personalities, as well as the consequences of this attitude, are evident. The partners of narcissistic people are generally attracted to them due to the “confidence” they display. However, according to a study made by Dr. Stefanie Wurst from the University of Munster, most relationships involving an egomaniac individual are doomed. Since the narcissistic only cares for their own wellbeing, they limit the attention and emotions they can provide for their partners.
There’s a very accurate model called the Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry Questionnaire (NARQ). It has determined that, although many feel attraction towards someone who demands constant attention and praise, while displaying confidence and self-esteem, eventually they’ll feel tired of them. However, the study claims this all depends on what type of narcissistic that person is, as well as whether they focus on rivalry or gaining admiration.
If the individual is prone to rivalry, their magnetism ends up being a black hole that sucks up all the energy, time, confidence, and self-esteem of their partner. However, if they’re motivated by admiration, most of the times the relationship will find a way to balance in order to recognize each one’s success and efforts. In other words, the main difference of these types depends on the individual’s opinions towards their partners’ success. Healthy competition is great to make stronger bonds, but constant confrontation ends up hurting the other.
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Sources:
Psychology Today
El País
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Translated by María Isabel Carrasco Cara Chards
