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What's Normal When It Comes To Sexual Fantasies?

Por: María Isabel Carrasco Cara Chards 8 de septiembre de 2017

Confession time! What’s your most recurrent sexual fantasy? Don’t be shy.

You know most of us have one.

I have decided to touch this subject after watching (for the thousandth time) Friends, particularly that famous episode where Ross shares his Star Wars fantasy, and then Chandler explains he's often had wet dreams about his own mother. As you know, everyone freaks out and tells him it ain't normal at all. But at the end, Ross ends up having that same “fantasy.” This made me think about our perceptions on sexual fantasies. What's normal and does it exist?

As a society we're obsessed with normality and in equal measure we all want to be unique and stand out from the crowd. We love labeling and shoving things and people into boxes, and if something doesn't fit we immediately assume it is out of the norm. There's nothing more boring and dreadful than to be called "normal," admit it, you've cringed when they've said, "don't worry, you're perfectly normal." So let me get back to my point, when it comes to sexual fantasies can you dip your toes in normalcy?

We've all heard of the most common, and dare I say, classic, sexual fantasies. There are threesomes, orgies, fetishes, among others. But then, things get more extreme, even involving animals and plants. So, at a first glance, it would appear that the more common they are, the more "normal" they could be viewed.

The thing here is that, as Carolyn Gregoire explains in her article for the Huffington Post, there isn't really a scientific or psychological measurement to determine if a sexual fantasy is typical or atypical, common or strange, normal or abnormal. And here we come across another adjective to classify sexuality. In that matter as the author states, we're still understanding and defining sexuality based on moral conventional standards. And since that's still the case, who decides on that matter? Politicians, religious groups, or the common people in general?

What matters here, beyond who makes the decision, is whether these fantasies are unhealthy. In my opinion what has to be discussed is whether these fantasies have a negative impact on others, like those terrible clichés you see in pornography of nonconsensual sex and rape.

There are people who actually get aroused through torture or even murder. And this is where the line should be drawn, in my opinion, and where we should pay more attention to the terminology we use. These are not mere fantasies as we understand them nor harmless fetishes; here we’re talking about serious mental issues.

And for that matter, Christian Joyal from the University of Montreal is leading a study to define these types of deviations so that the scientific community can start treating them as pathologies. As he states, there are way more common and typical harmless fantasies than these pathologies. That’s why I think that, as long as they don’t harm anyone else, we shouldn’t put the "This Is Normal" label on things, since this only ends up repressing people's sexuality and can bring about shame and disgust, emotions we all know should be eradicated from a healthy sex life.

So, would you say your sexual fantasy is normal?


For more on sexuality and fantasies, take a look at these:

5 Types Of Orgasms You Didn't Know Existed

10 Kinky Illustrations Of All The Things You Want To Do With Your Partner


Images by @chariskm


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