Some things to keep in mind to have the best time...
Has anyone looked up one-night stand online? I think perhaps most people just look up information on what to do when their partner for the night steals their flat screen while they’re asleep or took pictures without their permission. But, as someone who was genuinely curious about what the world had to say about, I have to say I was pretty underwhelmed. There were the random personal stories about how a casual encounter helped someone through a breakup, loss, or stagnant moments. There were some advice columns saying these encounters are the perfect time to try out positions you’d never had the guts to invite a long-term partner to experiment.
However, it was only on those two fronts were anyone spoke to women, since the vast majority of one-night stand reading is intended exclusively for men, which made me ask myself if, for some reason, we’re still thinking that women are just along for the ride when it comes to casual sexual encounters. I’ve chosen to be optimistic about this and believe that, perhaps, people assume women already consider all of the points explained in these articles: safety, protection, open mind, and realistic expectations. But just in case, let’s go over these and talk about why, these spontaneous instances of pleasure require of some contingencies.
It’s pretty obvious and yet, I think that sometimes we forget about this one. If you’re going home with a stranger, make sure someone knows this. You don’t need to give out all the details. Send a text telling a friend or roommate that you’ll be spending the night away from home, perhaps an address or location. This way, if things start to go south, weird, or scary even, you’ll know that someone knows your whereabouts and are looking out in case you need them to help you out. This might be the least sexy thing to keep in mind, but it’s still pretty important.
Always, always, always, have some sort of protection on hand. Don’t expect the other person to have it. Once you’re already halfway through foreplay is possibly the worse time to hope either one of you has a condom on you. So just plan it ahead. When you left the house you probably weren’t sure whether you’d get lucky, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. However, here’s one thing I will say: if you’ve been carrying the same condom for an entire dry spell, consider changing it ever so often to avoid having an expired or damaged rubber. I’ve found some suggestions talking about exchanging names and numbers in case something happens, such as pregnancy or STI. So if you’re intending on keeping things anonymous, take this into consideration and find a creative way for that to work.
This is about keeping that judgmental part of your brain silent. If you find out that your partner is into stuff you’re not, or whether you think they’re too adventurous or not enough, remember that you’re not there to tell them what to do. You can have a conversation about boundaries. This includes talking about things you’d both be willing to try and explore, and those that are off-limits. An example of this can be if one of you is really into sex toys and accessories. Before you bring out the fun stuff, ask the other person if they’re into that or would like to try. Don’t spring it on them because you risk ruining the moment. Likewise, if you’re the one who’s never used toys, you can step out of your comfort zone. It’s all about knowing what your limits and the other person’s are.
Again, pretty basic but let’s review. If you find yourself being very attracted to this person, it’s okay. Just don’t start creating a scenario where this becomes anything more than what it is. While it’s possible that a one-night stand can lead to a relationship, that’s not a very common situation. Sometimes a hookup is just a hookup, and that’s okay. There’s no need to feel pressured to turn it into more than that. One reason we can start to rationalize a casual encounter into a long-term situation is because we don’t want to feel shame or guilt. It’s important to be confident in your choice and know the limits.
Sometimes you just need a connection, but one that is more of an electric shock than a simmer. A one-night stand is exactly that. A moment of passion and sensations that doesn’t become anything more and only lasts for a few hours. For some, having a no strings attached sexual encounter can help them see things clearer in terms of what they’re looking for in a relationship or in life. Other people might find that they’re able to be more open about their sexual desires and kinks with a stranger. But it can also just be a fun time. What matters is that you go there prepared and aware of what both of you want.
So when was your last one-night stand?
Images by Frida Castelli