We’ve all had heated discussions, and beyond the sadness, anger, or shame this situation may cause, a crisis is always a good time to take a step back and evaluate the course of a relationship. No one wants to be the villain or fool in this play. When we fight, pride wins, and we are caught in an endless tug of war where no one wants to give in and end up losing.
After the fight, each person goes to their respective corners and licks their wounds. Like a boxer waiting for the next round, you heed the advice of your friends and tell your side of the story and why you should win. If we leave all the scheming, anger, and whispers of our friends behind, we can stop and think about you and your relationship with that other person. You weigh on a balance the rights and wrongs and look for a point that will rekindle the relationship. It isn’t easy to let go of a grudge and of pride, but sometimes the healthiest course of action is to let go and say the following…
“I’m sorry.”
Sometimes these words can get stuck on your throat, but finally voicing it is a reflection that you’re willing to assume part of the blame. A “sorry” said at the right time can open the doors to a more honest dialogue. Listen to one another without being on the defensive will lead to a much swifter resolution. If there is a willingness from both parties to recognize the errors and move on, then a well placed “sorry” can make all the difference.
“Tell me what you need.”
These words are always a good way to show the other person that you’re willing to do what it takes to make the relationship work. If the boat is sinking and you know where the hole is, then this sentence will be the first step to filling up that emptiness. See a crisis or a disagreement as a perfect way to know each other and learn precisely what you need from each other. So lower you arms, unclench your fists, and let go.
“I want to understand you better.”
Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is a fast way of overcoming and solving any argument. If after the argument you come to understand what the other person is feeling, a well placed “I understand” makes a world of difference. Empathy levels the playing field, allowing you to heal wounds and overcome past hurts.
“We can fix this.”
Some fights lead to a crossroad. On the one hand it can spell the end of a relationship or a fresh start. “We can fix this” will lead you two down a new path. It is important to bear in mind that sometimes a relationship is impossible to fix and all resources are spent, and if you are that stage, it is far better to cut your losses.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Words can cut deep and leave you bleeding for a long time. If you’re going into the fight ready with a biting word and a cutting remark, then it is better to back down for a minute. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” is a sentence you must really mean so both of you can heal the pain caused by careless words.
“I will try harder.”
There is always someone that has to concede in a fight, and it doesn’t matter whether it is you or your partner. Promises lose their worth very quickly in an argument, and it is very true when they say “actions speak louder than words.” So, if you are going to try harder, you have to mean it and act on it.
Communication is the daily bread of any relationship, and the impact an argument can have on a relationship will depend on the strength of the foundations. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many times you apologize, promise to try harder, or empathize with the other when a relationship is hanging on a string that will snap at any second. It is up to you to mend this frayed relationship, because we all know love has to be sewn together tightly for it to survive any hardship.
