If you find yourself picturing a future with this person after the first or second date, it's a sign of a deeper problem.
Of all the sucky, negative aspects about being single, the part where you meet new people all the time and get excited about them, only to get your heart broken a couple of weeks (or even days) later, is kind of the worst. It’s happened to me a few times, and every time I feel just as stupid. I meet someone at a party or through a friend, we talk and get to know each other a little, the proverbial sparks fly, we go on a date or two, I start imagining a potential relationship with this person, we have sex, and then that’s it. That’s the end of whatever was going on. After a few days of silence and zero interest from the other person, I come to realize that everything was in my head, and that all the feelings I had for them were a result of my own fantasies.
Sometimes, if the mini non-relationship was particularly intense, the end can be just as painful as a real breakup, forcing me to really stop and ask myself: what is it about me that makes me fall like this for someone I just met? Why can’t I be one of those people who can go out with someone for months and not feel anything? Unfortunately, despite all of my efforts, I haven’t arrived at a final conclusion yet, but I have figured out some things that I think will help other people who have the same problem. So, if any of this sounds familiar to you, stick around.
You’re desperate to be in a relationship
It's (not) funny because it's true. Sometimes, we’re so desperate to be in a relationship that we trick ourselves into believing that the person we just started dating might be that perfect person we’ve been waiting for, and so, we become completely infatuated. The truth is that it’s probably just that: an infatuation that we want to believe is real love. If you’re starting to feel like that person might be the one, don’t let yourself go that fast, enjoy the whole process, and over time, if everything goes well, you’ll see if what you were feeling was real love or just you wanting to experience it no matter what.
You're emotionally empty
This goes hand in hand with the previous point. There are some moments in life when we feel something is missing emotionally, and our first reaction is to think we have to find someone to be with. Seriously, unless you’ve already known this person for a while, there’s no way you can fall that fast for them. You don’t even know who they are, but the excitement of being with someone that might fill that void can push us to give them everything, even our deepest feelings. No one can really fill an emotional void other than ourselves; that’s a fact.
You want to have a full life
Another possibility can be our wish to live life to fullest. There’s nothing wrong with it, nothing is certain in life, and we don’t really know how long we're going to live, so I think it’s great to experience everything that life has to offer. However, that is one thing, but another thing is just to risk your emotional life for it. Being a bit cautious is also important, and having a balanced life should be our ideal. So, don’t force yourself into an emotion that might not end up being what you were expecting.
You believe in love at first sight
Remember what we were talking at the beginning? Let's keep the facts straight: there's no such thing as love at first sight. Actually, according to a study by the University of Groningen in the Netherlands, love at first sight has more to do with a really strong physical attraction and a psychological desire to experience love. Moreover, they found that people who are more visual tend to think they’ve experienced it more often. So, not to shatter your hopes and dreams, but if you’re experiencing something similar, it’s important to analyze everything and not let yourself go completely with your emotions.
You haven’t learned from previous experiences
This happens more often to those of us who are hopeless romantics who won’t quit on love just like that. It’s true that those of us who fall fast for others tend to follow a pattern throughout our lives. We’re very emotional people, and not even the worst heartbreak can destroy our romantic nature. But since they’re patterns, we also have to learn from them, especially if we’ve experienced the same situations over and over. It’s not that you’ll never love fully, but rather that in your desire to do so you’re going after people who aren’t really meant for you.
You probably have very high standards
Before you call me crazy, bear with me for a second. Most people believe that those who fall in love fast have low standards, and that's why they end up falling for anyone. However, it think it's the complete opposite. I think that if you have very high standards and you meet someone who you think is a good match, then you think they’re the one, and you just let your feelings grow and grow, while clinging to that prospect. Does that make sense? It does for me.
Falling in love is amazing, but it’s a process that takes time and that should be experienced slowly. You don't have to rush things to know what real love is. Relax and enjoy this new adventure.
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Images by @bryce__miller