It's easy to blame others for ghosting you, but have you ever wondered if you did something to make it happen?
The infamous dating faux paux of ghosting is as strongly criticized as it is frequently practiced. There are dozens of articles saying why ghosting is the worst and ghosters are evil. But most of the people who write those articles don’t admit that perhaps all of the sad and angry ghostees have also done the same thing to someone once or twice. You probably have done it, but maybe you don’t consider it ghosting because each person has a convenient definition for it, and of course, it all seems like a bigger deal when it’s done to you. The truth is that, no matter how much you think that there’s no good justification for doing such a thing (and how hurt you are from the last time someone you really liked ghosted you), there are plenty of good reasons to do it. It’s not something easy to hear, specially after reading so many articles telling you that it’s never your fault, but sometimes it is. Well, a lot of times it is. If you’re not convinced, here are a few examples of cases where ghosting is a reasonable thing to do.
You didn’t get the hint
Specially if you’re not in an actual relationship, formally breaking up with someone seems unnecessary. The ghoster probably gave you some hints, sometimes vague, sometimes super clear, that you just didn't get. So you just kept talking to them, and they got tired of responding, so the best way to end things for good was by disappearing from your social media.
You're being invasive
It’s possible that you didn't have bad intentions while sending your frequent texts. However, maybe you were downright stalking and harassing them, and they felt overwhelmed by your attention. Seriously, nobody owes you their time. If you demand it and if you feel totally entitled to it, the person you’re dating will have a perfectly good reason to ghost you.
You didn’t really like the ghoster
Maybe the ghoster noticed that you were not really interested in them, that you kept going out with them because you were bored, feeling lonely, using them as rebound, or any other reason. Noticing those things is hurtful, so they probably thought you wouldn't really care about their disappearance.
Your relationship wasn’t going anywhere
The ghoster possibly thought they were doing you a favor. Sometimes, everything seems to go well, but that’s it. It’s just going a mediocre kind of okay. Maybe nothing truly exciting is happening, so there wasn't a real reason to break up other than that. Those things are hard to explain because there’s nothing to explain. So the ghoster preferred to leave it like that. Perhaps this isn't the best way to end these kinds of relationships, but it's understandable. Why prolong something dull and ultimately uninteresting for both parties?
You were bad for them and they had to escape
Sometimes, people ghost someone they’re dating to protect their own well-being. It sounds like a lame, made-up excuse, but maybe the person actually likes you a lot, but you’re just bad for them because of toxic behaviors or issues that are harming them. So, by ghosting you, they’re putting themselves first. Of course, knowing if this is your case requires a thorough self-analysis and honesty with yourself to know if you were doing something that made them ghost you. If you feel bad about the unanswered questions, adopt a mature approach and, rather than demanding answers, remember you were part of the relationship, so you probably know what made them recur to ghosting. Don't wait for the person to tell you something that could be pretty obvious in the end.
Breaking up with someone is already difficult, both for the person who is doing it and for the person who is being dumped. Honestly, do you really want a potential ghoster to actually go to your home and tell you all of the reasons why it’s not going to work? Would a whole list of your flaws provide the necessary closure for you? Of course not. Embrace it, and enjoy the privilege of a clean, unproblematic ghosting experience.
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Images by the taable.