Having doubts about our partner's honesty can be one of the most difficult things to deal with.
Okay, before you start panicking and being ultra paranoid, let’s start agreeing that everybody lies in one way or another and to a certain degree. You it too. Now, I know there’s a difference between a white lie and constantly lying in your life. When we’re in a relationship, we all want its foundations to lie in honesty and trust. At the same time, when we’re really infatuated or, as people call it, madly in love (I’m sorry, I’m kind of a cynical about these things), it’s hard for us to really see objectively how our relationship is in general. We’ve talked about toxic relationships and how little by little we hold on to them, making it quite hard for us to really see what’s going on. What we’re going to deal with today is not if your partner is hiding something random from you, but actually about those severe cases of toxic patterns like cheating, manipulating, or even concealing their true colors.
The thing is that there are fake people everywhere, and for that reason sometimes it’s harder to spot them from the beginning. I’m not kidding, guys. There are some real masters of deceit that can get away with everything and trick even the most cunning ones. So, I’ve always wondered if there are so many technological inventions out there, why no one has devoted a tiny bit of time to invent a gadget to detect liars easily? I mean, it’s a million dollar idea, isn’t it? So, while scientists and engineers work on my awesome idea, here are some tips you can actually use to detect if you're being lied to.
Inconsistencies in their stories
Sometimes when we start going out with someone we tend to focus more on the person and the emotions you’re feeling than really on what these people tell us about them. So, when the relationship evolves, it’s quite likely that you’ve forgotten some of the aspects they’ve told you, and since you’re already falling for this person, you start focusing more on the present of your relationship and the future you’re picturing with them. The thing is that, for some people, lying becomes a sort of profession, so if you’re starting to notice some inconsistencies or plot holes in their stories, then it’s a sign that you’re not seeing the whole picture, which means there’s something going on you’re not aware of and they’ve been trying to keep it hidden through lies.
You sense something’s wrong
Okay, I’d go carefully with this one because it’s also true that sometimes we can form some ideas in our minds that aren’t really true, and we make it all bigger than it is. What I mean with this is that if you notice something is different or there’s something that makes you uneasy, I’d try to find out the source of that feeling and the core of the problem. Sometimes, without realizing it, our brains unconsciously perceive a bigger picture. Once we start being aware of what is happening, we can actually understand what’s really going on.
They seem to be very busy all the time
I know, this one’s kind of a cliché. However, we’re all a walking commonplace, and it wouldn’t be a surprise if your partner actually uses the “I’m busy excuse” to actually do something else they don’t want you to be a part of. Now, as I already mentioned, you don’t have to jump into conclusions right away. If it happens once in a while, there’s a huge chance they are actually busy, so I’d also be careful with our reaction to it. If this becomes a recurring behavior, then I would start worrying about it.
The number of details in their stories are either too much or not enough
This is connected a bit in what we were talking about the stories they tell us. There are people who are natural oversharers and others that are more reserved. That’s pretty normal. However, if you suddenly start noticing they focus a lot on the details of their stories (with this I mean random stories, not if they’re actually excited about something in their lives). If they suddenly become more secretive, there’s a chance they’re doing it so that you won’t discover something they’re concealing.
They have constant mood change
Finally, we have one of the clearest signs. As I said at the beginning, there are endless reasons why your partner could be lying to you besides cheating. Sometimes, it’s even a matter of emotions. Maybe they no longer feel the same about the relationship but somehow can’t just end things, or they aren't sure of what they want. Whatever the reason, unless they’re pathological liars, lying involves a change in our mood that sometimes is harder to conceal than the actual lie. At the same time, I do think this is actually one of the signs that are easy (and quite necessary) to confront.
As you might have seen, there are some signs that can be overinterpreted and make us paranoid. But I guess that if you’re here it's because you have some doubts, and if doubts exist I would also start meditating on why am I having them and if it’s actually a sign of a more deteriorated relationship. Yes, lies can be enough to end things with a person, especially if you’re being completely honest. Anyways, the best thing you can do is to go to the core of the situation and solve it.
Here are other articles that might come in handy:
Images by @athenagraceco