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Situationship: The toxic relationship limbo when you have something, but you don’t know what it is

There is a new term being adopted by some millennials and Gen Zers to name the bonds they have when it comes to emotional relationships.

When you start dating someone, and everything seems to be moving along pretty well, you feel like maybe you’ve finally found a person you could start building something with. As the outings become constant, the physical connection is good, and you go on dates that involve activities you both enjoy.

You even start to invite him to parties with your friends and include him in your plans. Problems arise when you feel that you are already established as a couple, but inside you don’t dare to ask the typical question: What are we?

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Weeks, even months go by, and when you touch the subject of defining the relationship and knowing if you are monogamous or exclusive, the person in question comes out with classic phrases like: “We don’t need to label things,” “I don’t know what I’m looking for now,” “I do love you and I like you but we should slow down,” etc.

It is here when the alarms go off inside you and the anxiety, doubts, as well as the hope that someday that person you like so much, will be convinced that you are the one to formalize. If you find yourself in this situation that used to be known as “friends with benefits,” it now has a term that Generation Z dubbed Situationship.

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What does it mean to be in a Situationship?

According to experts in psychology and personal relationships, this means that you have a relationship with another person, in which feelings, time, as well as sexual relations are involved, but it does not have any label, i.e. you do not have the commitment that you are dating, but evidently you are not just friends either.

Signs that you are in Situationship

-Last-minute plans are a constant, since there is not something established between the two of you, you do not keep a sequence of outings, nor do you feel committed to doing so.

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-There is no constant in terms of the time they see each other or the times they talk to each other per week. That is, they can talk every two weeks or see each other every 15 days, and there is no problem with that.

-There are no future plans, and you feel stagnant in the relationship, since it is only a situation, this does not progress to form something serious, even if there is no indication that the other person wants to do it.

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-The other person has already told you that they do not want anything serious, but still wants to continue hanging out with you, and sends signals that they are not looking for a relationship.

How to get out of a Situationship?

The reality is that although for many people this may seem beneficial, as long as both parties are looking for the same thing, there are cases in which one of the parties involved is expecting the interaction to become one day something serious and monogamous, while the other has no problem with keeping it informal.

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Specialists recommend putting a stop if what you want is to have a courtship and tell the other person what you want, without expecting that the other wants the same. If they give you excuses again and do not reciprocate, the ideal is to move on and leave that person behind, since someone who wants to commit will not have so many doubts about whether or not to be with you.

Story originally published in Spanish in Cultura Colectiva

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