I’d like to think that there’s a cave painting featuring a recently broken up couple having an awkward moment when they run into each other while bringing down a mammoth with spears or something like that. I mean, it was bound to happen back then too right? Of all the issues that happen post-breakup, there’s one question we all ask ourselves at least once: Should I try to stay friends with my ex?
Personally, I tend to side with the “hell no!” philosophy when it comes to keeping in touch with former love interests. But there’s some compelling arguments to be made in favor of keeping them as friends. Let’s start with the pros, so that when you start feeling hopeful about staying buddies with your ex, I can proceed to shatter your expectations in dramatic fashion with the power of cons.
Pros
You’re a source of support for one another
If your former partner had a significant role in your life but something happened that forced either of you to break up, you should try to keep them around as friends. This isn’t easy, but if you can make it work, it will be good for you. For starters, you need to understand that the more civilized the break up, the better are your chances to accomplish it, and it will still take some time to do it, while the two of you mourn your relationship. For exes to be friends, they need to rid themselves of any sort of romantic feeling or sexual desire they had for each other, and that’s made easier by parting ways without blowing things up in the process.
They know you better than anyone
This is the perfect ingredient for a great friendship. Human emotions are complex, but steady relationships are accomplished by mature individuals that are conscious of each other’s needs and understand that sometimes things just don’t work out. However, that doesn’t mean the other person is evil or deliberately trying to hurt the other. If both parts can keep this in mind, there’s no reason why a friendship wouldn’t be possible.
It will make both your lives easier
This could be true if you have to keep seeing this person for reasons other than being a couple. For instance, if you have a kid together and break up, it would be better for both of you and the child to find ways to be friendly, apart from your romantic history.
Cons
They know you better than anyone
Yes, this is a con as well, the biggest one. To be able to separate whatever happened during your relationship from what happens after you break up is near impossible for the vast majority of people. Breaking up is always messy, and both sides are bound to keep some feeling of anger or sadness over how things ended. This is a recipe for disaster. The more emotion you feel, the easier it is to hate them or fall back in love with them. It’s very risky.
It’s easier to get over them if you cut all connections
Ending a relationship is tough, you need time to recover after. We build our daily routines around our significant others, and when we break up, they change entirely. That’s the reason why some people find something else to do to occupy their time and, most importantly, their minds after they’re single again. Think of it as an addiction: if you keep consuming the substance you’re addicted to, you’ll never truly let go of it.
It generates all sorts of drama
Would you want your partner to be close friends with their ex? Of course not. We should all be mature enough to understand that things end, but few people manage to keep things casual with their exes. If you’re one of those individuals, good for you, you’re a stellar human being. But generally, those feelings stay there and it’s hard to make them go away, so why play with fire? If what you had with an ex was great, you should cherish those memories while realizing that it ended for a reason. Just let it go for good, for both your sakes.
If you just went through a breakup, check out some things you should try to get over it:
6 Things We’re Told To Do After A Breakup
10 Books You Should Read After A Nasty Break Up
