When it all began, I decided to ignore it. I thought it was just my imagination and that so I shouldn't mind. But I realized things weren't okay when even the simplest detail and mention of you pushed me over the edge. Your messages would be the last ones I would read and with no guilt I would leave you waiting hours for an answer. I missed hanging out with my friends, having some me-time; your company wasn't enough. I know you still love me, you still look out for me. Maybe that's the hardest part, that when you hold my hand all I want to do is let go.
The moment I realized what was happening, it broke my heart. We used to be so happy...
(End of fiction)
Perhaps it's hard to breakup because loneliness isn't easy to deal with, but I knew that being in a relationship you don't want to be in is even worse. You can hurt yourself and your partner more if you decide to stat, which is why sometimes ending things is for the better.
This is how I realized I was no longer happy by your side:
My playlist was the first sign
It may sound stupid but Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" was a huge revelation for me. I was on my way to work and I felt like listening to it. I searched it on my "recently played" playlist and realized all those songs had nothing to do with love. For the past months, I'd stopped listening to all those cheesy and romantic songs I used to play while thinking about you and our relationship. Now, I daydream about anything but you.
"I'm sorry. I can't go, I got this weird infection"
We always talked to each other. We loved remembering our past adventures and the amazing time we had when we were together. I really used to enjoy spending time with you, but suddenly, going to the movies or having a cup of coffee wasn't that exciting anymore. Any message on the phone was the perfect excuse to stop our increasingly awkward chats. My repertoire of diseases got extremely creative. What started with some headaches soon became a fully invented catalog of weird afflictions, perfect excuses to avoid seeing you.
"Who has just 'liked' your photo?"
Jealousy is the worst thing one can experience. People always assure that jealousy is the reflection of our insecurities and they have nothing to do with love. Now I see it's true. The idea of you seeing someone else drives me crazy, and I know this jealousy will only hurt us.
You were not in my future plans
When I pictured my future life, I couldn't see you in it. It's as if our paths now pointed at completely different directions. Your vision of life, that was basically the same I had when we started our relationship, started to change. It was at that moment when I started feeling we weren't going to last for long.
My friends were worried about me
Since the day they met you they foresaw it. They witnessed this love story that became so intense I was sure you were "the one." They were so happy for me, I guess they had never seen me like that. With time they started to worry about me. Every time I told them I was fine, my face would say the opposite; my eyes were constantly swollen from all the crying. They knew before me that this was going to end.
I was hurting you on purpose
You hurt me so many times that I wanted you to feel as miserable as I did. People often say "you shouldn't hurt the ones you love," but I really wanted to make you pay for all the damage you caused me, so I realized I didn't love you anymore.
Every time you said "I love you," I would only answer with a cold "me too." I couldn't utter the same words you said because I knew I would be lying. I was deeply sad. I really wanted to love you, but it was impossible.
I've always loved to be alone. However, when we were happy, your company was the most valuable thing in the world. For me, spending our days on the couch watching movies was a perfect way to spend time together. This changed and we both went our separate ways.
I looked for tests online to know if I had stopped loving you
I know it's lame, but I really wanted someone else to tell me what I was afraid of accepting. My browsing history was filled with cheesy webpages: "How to know if you're meant for each other?," "Tips to break-up with someone without breaking their heart," "How to overcome a breakup?" That was it, I couldn't fool myself anymore.
There's no one who knows you better than yourself. Admitting that you're no longer happy with someone can be difficult. However, if you still care for that person who has made you happy for a while, the best thing to do is be honest with them. Sometimes the best for both parties is to turn the page and start a new story.
If you're having the same doubts, check Why Clinging To Dead-End Relationships Is Destructive. You might also find interesting this article: Couples Who Do This On Facebook Might Not Have The Best Relationship.
Translated by María Isabel Carrasco Cara Chards