5 Ways To Tell Someone You're Not Interested
April 5, 2018|Ariel Rodriguez
You don't want to hurt their feelings, but you also don't want to date them.
I’ve heard amazing stories about friends who found their perfect match online, but I’ve also heard some pretty awful dating app nightmares that would put you off from swiping right. All of this has to do with a debate about whether dating apps are desensitizing users by replacing face-to-face interaction with virtual exchanges. For example, one time, a friend of mine was supposed to meet up with a guy she had been talking to for a while. As she was waiting for him to arrive, she noticed a lot of time had gone by, so she took out her phone to check. On the screen, a text from the guy read “not impressed, bye.” This made her very sad and depressed, to the point that I didn't see her around for a while. I was furious: why did that guy have to be so cruel to her? He felt brave enough to send a mean message, but I bet he wouldn't have had the courage to talk to her face-to-face.
In many ways, smartphones have made us forget that on the other side of our phone's screen, there's a real, live human being. They are people just like us, with feelings. Part of the reason behind the popularity of these dating apps has to do with the fact that we don’t have to try very hard, especially when it comes to rejecting somebody. If you like someone, swipe right. If you don’t like them, swipe left. In real life, telling somebody that you don't like them takes not only courage but also sensibility, tact, and the right words. If you are struggling to tell someone that you are not interested in them, these tips will help you accomplish this task.
When someone insists too much
If you are like me and like getting things over with as quickly and painlessly as possible, you’ll like this alternative. If this person is insisting a little too much, and you definitely want to put a end to it, I would say stay calm and be sincere; remember, honesty is your best weapon. When we try to sugar coat our arguments, the other person can misunderstand, or even get offended. So, stick to the truth, keep it brief, and make eye contact. Take the following line and adapt it to your situation:
Listen, I just want to be honest with you. You're a great person and everything, but I just don't think this is going to work. I'm sorry.
Telling someone you'd rather stay friends can get very awkward, and it can ruin the friendship. Unfortunately, there is no magic tool that can save people from romantic disappointment. If your friend suddenly wants to take things to the next level, and you simply can't picture the two of you as a couple, I would consider the following idea:
Spending time with you is one of my favorite things, and to be honest, I want us to keep it that way because that's how I see us. I like the fact that I can rely on you, text you jokes, and know you'll always be there for me. I just wouldn't want to change that.
After that, if they decide to end the friendship, there is very little for you to do. This consequence is sometimes irreversible, but at least you'll know you've done the right thing by being honest. Also, if they want to patch things up, they'll do so knowing how you feel. Perhaps you can even suggest taking some time apart so the other person can process their feelings and see where they stand emotionally.
When you are in love with someone else
Once again, honesty is the best policy. Telling someone that you can't be with them because you have feelings for someone else will probably break their heart. They'll be sad and disappointed, but when it comes to love, the old saying is right: the heart wants what it wants. The best way to tell them is to be honest, and to choose your words carefully; put yourself in their shoes. Try something like this:
I know how you feel about me, but I have feelings for someone else, so I think the best thing to do would be to stop here before things get more complicated.
It happens: you've gone out with this person, but suddenly you realize it's not going to work. Don't feel bad, sometimes we don't see things clearly until some time has passed. You probably decided to date them based on pressure or impulses, but now that you realize you can't be with this person any longer, here comes the toughest part of it all: telling them it's over.
You're amazing, and I've really enjoyed getting to know you, but I've realized this isn't what I want, so we should stop seeing each other. I'm sorry, I wish I'd known sooner, and I hope we can remain friends.
On social media platforms
Someone DMs you out of nowhere, asking you out in a short and unexpected message. What do you do? You may have many reasons not to go out with this person, perhaps you don't know them that well or you don't have that many friends in common. If it makes you uncomfortable then once again, honesty is the best course of action. If they keep insisting and make you feel even more uncomfortable then block them, no one has the right to pressure you in that way, no one.
Thanks for the invite, but I don't really want to date anyone right now.
Telling someone that you're not interested in dating them is not easy. It takes everything to look someone in the eye and break their fantasy, a fantasy they pictured with you. There can be tears, sadness, and even depression, but you aren't the responsible for it, they are. If they don’t understand, or refuse to accept it, try being a little more direct, but never cruel. The important thing is not to lie to them because it'll make the situation worse, and they can find out later. Put yourself in their shoes, and treat them how you'd like to be treated.
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