"Hey! I just wanted to know where this is going?"
Call me an old person, but I still haven’t quite mastered the modern art of texting. While I still prefer it over making phone calls, I've always had the impression that texting a crush or your partner follows a set of unspoken rules and norms. If you don't follow them, you might put your relationship in jeopardy. To put it in a more visual way, I understand it like a chess game, where every move has to be thoroughly analyzed to foresee the other’s. As you may imagine, I’ve made some very bad moves because of a bad usage of this technology (I’d put an emoji right here, but I’ve learned that an excessive use isn’t so great either). So, determined to become a better person, or at least to be more efficient with my texting skills, I made a thorough research on the things you shouldn't do or discuss with your significant other via text.
Any form of complaint
To start with, if you've had any problem with your partner, you should discuss it in person. I know sometimes it’s easier to just pour all our anger in a text, instead of talking with them face to face, with all the shouting and interruptions. However, out of experience, let me tell you that, no matter what, the discussion will happen eventually. The thing is that it might sound clear, concise, and with the appropriate intonation in your head, but we all interpret what we read in a different way, so things could get even worse than they should. Do yourself a favor and avoid this at all costs. Oh, by the way, asking for forgiveness also counts in this point.
Short void words or emojis
I must confess emojis are my weakness. In my head, they say everything in simple images, and don’t let me get started with gifs because we’d be here all day. Although they’ve become an essential part of our modern way of communicating, I must accept that sometimes these aren’t that appropriate for certain conversations. The rule here is, if you’re asked a question or you’re expected to reply concisely, avoid emojis, gifs, abbreviations, and short replies. Why? Basically because they can be understood as a lack of commitment and interest in the conversation. Just be conscious and sense the tone of the conversation to know whether it's a good time to use them.
Deep conversations about the nature of your relationship
This is the one you must avoid. I know there are days when you’re alone in your bedroom, you start wondering where your relationship is going, and the anxiety won’t let you sleep unless you get an answer. But seriously, just don’t. To start with, you don’t really know what your partner is doing at the time. They might be sleeping or doing something important, and if you suddenly send that text, there are two possible outcomes (well, actually there are many, but these are the most likely ones): they might feel insecure because you’re obviously doubting about the relationship, or they might feel oddly annoyed by such a random question at a random time. If you really need an answer, think things first and then ask them when you’re with your partner.
Important life decisions
This point is kind of similar to the previous one. Why would you touch important issues through a message? I mean, you’re in a relationship, so it’s not like you’re not going to see them anytime soon. Then, why not wait? I know sometimes these huge life decisions come out of the blue, and you feel the need of communicating them ASAP, but even if that’s the case, you can wait to meet them and tell them personally. To sum up, don’t deal with important matters through texts!
Being super insistent
Sometimes we’re over excited about our relationship, and we wish our entire life revolve around it, but seriously we’ve got to chill! There's a time and moment for everything, and even when it’s nice to be in touch with the person we love, sometimes we can turn into very obsessive people. This point is important. You shouldn't expect them to have their phone with them whenever you feel the need to talk, and if they don't answer your texts as soon as you send them, that doesn't mean they don’t care for you. We all have lives and things to do.
Questioning everything they do
Yep, this goes hand in hand with the previous one. Let them be! They might be just as in love with you or even more, but asking and questioning everything can become tiring, and might push them away. I believe one of the secrets for long-lasting and healthy relationships is for each to have their own space and freedom to do whatever they want. Not because you’re not together all the time it means that things are falling apart. On the contrary, it's becoming a more mature relationship.
I bet there are more kinds of texts we should avoid when being in a relationship, but so far I think these are the most important ones. All in all, I believe that the secret to master texts lies in always sensing the tone and not dealing with important subjects.
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Images by Matheus Ferrero