Clear signs we should keep in mind to sense when someone’s not genuinely interested.
We've been there here before: cute guy shows up, you smile, flirt a little, and suddenly they smile back. After some minutes of back and forth gazing, they move closer. They ask your name and number. You have a nice conversation and a genuinely nice time together. The next day, a story starts to unravel. The story ends and we're left wondering what we did wrong. We think whether we scared them away, as they simply left the door open, and never came back. Full of uncertainty and confusion, we think about possible mistakes we could’ve made, and ultimately end up feeling that it would’ve been a better idea not to have made a move on them. The worst part is that we don’t know why we had to end it or why they suddenly started acting weird and distant, as if they never wanted this.
Well, we hate to admit it, but honestly, they weren't interested. Sure, it hurts and it’s not fair, but that’s life. These are the experiences that actually help our future self to prevent ourselves from giving our heart away when someone doesn't care about us. But how to be sure about that? Here are some of the most important signs that reveal when someone's truly not interested:
They're usually too busy/too tired to make plans
It’s not that we have to be with them all day everyday, but when someone’s not interested, they usually have a “good” excuse not to hang out with you. The week was heavy with work, they're hungover, they feel like having a stomachache, a family member just came to town for a short visit. When it happens one or two times, we try to be understanding. But when it becomes a daily thing, excuses may start looking like reasons to not be together at all.
They don’t initiate casual hangouts
It’s not just that they have sudden excuses, but they also may take forever to actually come up with something to do with us. Taking the first step shows how interested they are (or aren’t). Weeks pass by and they don’t make plans. The movie date is postponed eternally. That fancy dinner they already suggested never happens. Even a simple Netflix and Chill doesn’t happen at all. When this becomes a constant behavior, we might start thinking that there’s no interest to get to know us better, to see us, to be with us. It’s better to take a step back before we get too attached and become the only ones to actually come up with plans.
That’s the worst thing about someone who’s not interested. It's when we actually find out that they were at the club dancing with their friends when they told us they were too tired to hang out, or when they don't text back but don't leave their phone for a minute. It’s not fair to cheat and lie, and it’s not healthy to remain still when this happens. That’s a very clear sign to walk away.
They're down for sexting, but take forever to reply a text
Somehow, they take forever to text back, even though they’re not busy. But if sexting and nudes come to topic, they suddenly can’t leave the phone for a second. Although there are many people that intentionally meet others just to hook up, when someone knows that this is not the case and still act up in that way, we must be careful. Though it’s fun to be kinky every now and then, if they just show interest in this topic, they may not care about the rest of us.
They don't ask many questions
Conversations become somehow shallow. You know very little about them, and they don’t even care to ask, not because you seek for attention, but they aren’t that into you to wonder who you really are. They don't care about your likes and dislikes, what your family's like, what you do in your free time, or your opinion in all kinds of matters. If they don’t actively want to get to know you, they might as well be doing this with someone else. When someone honestly shows interest, their curiosity speaks for itself.
They call you every pet name they know, but never use the actual name
That awkward moment when they ask for your name, but never actually use it ever again. What’s worse, they don’t even change it for cute nicknames that show interest. You become “sexy,” “hottie,” and other variations of these. Far from becoming fond, they're trying to make clear there’s a distance between them and you, so don’t think it’s going further than this if this is a current behavior. It can be awfully misleading, that’s why we must be careful when someone acts this way.
They're vague about almost everything
We actually start feeling that we don’t know them at all because they tell so little about themselves. We don’t know anything about their friends, family, hobbies, work. They use phrases such as “well, it’s complicated,” because complicating anything tends to make people think they're meddling too much, so they stop asking questions. When this quote comes up for everything, we can't help but wonder whether they actually want us to know them at all. Maybe it’s not meant to be, and it’s okay.
It hurts to spend our time and energy on someone that doesn’t do the same for us. These little scars are valuable lessons in love that must be taken seriously if we don’t want to end up in the same situation again. Even though we can’t control who’s going to be interested in us, we can actually prevent our hearts from breaking by learning to read those telltale signs from guys that don’t really care. This way, we can still go out and meet people, knowing that sometimes it will be a good match and others it won’t. Nevertheless, we’ll have the tools to wisely handle this and keep our heart away from selfish people.
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Photo Credit: Chris & Ruth