Every time I see people on the street, I wonder if they know their hairstyle is terrible? Or is it possible that they think they're the trendiest and coolest person ever?
My mother gave my sister and myself a very important life lesson: your hair grows back. She taught us a lot of things, but for this article, I'm going to focus on this lesson in particular. Why would she insist on it? My first guess is that she didn’t really know how to create those amazing hairstyles that were so fashionable at the time and sold us the idea that short hair was the edgiest style out there, and that no one had it because they weren’t as cool as we were. I know this might sound horrible, but it actually stuck with me, and that motto has led me to try as many hairstyles as are available. From the list I’ve selected, I have already tried about half of them. The others are just too awful, to the point that even I know they should’ve never existed. So, do yourself a favor, and don’t try any of these. Ever. It doesn’t matter if your favorite celebrity has rocked it: as the most beloved president in the world (not!) said once, “sounds good, doesn’t work.”
As someone who tried this look in her teenage hippie phase, let me tell you how thankful I am that phones didn’t have cameras back then. The worst part? I wasn’t even born in the eighties. Who thought that the business-in-front-party-in-the-back hairstyle was cool? I’m serious, who was the genius who came up with it? The problem with this haircut, besides the fact that it looks hideous, is that there’s no way of waking up from that nightmare but to chop off the long parts. So, please, just don't do it. Yes, it grows back, but do you really want photos of that hair disaster?
This one isn’t as bad as the previous one (which, by the way, I think is the worst hairstyle of all time), but let’s put it this way: not even Jennifer Aniston liked it. In fact, she loathed it. Maybe you loved Rachel’s style back in the day, but, just like the first episodes of the series, it should stay in the nineties. So, what’s so bad about the Rachel? Well, everything, it's neither short nor long, the volume makes it look like a helmet, and as Aniston mentioned in a recent interview, getting it to look good was a pain in the ass.
The Rat Tail
I take back what I said about the mullet being the worst hairstyle ever. Basically, this hippie trend of leaving one section long has refused to go away, and there’s a lot of people who still think it’s cool to have one. The worst part is all those people who have a thin, greasy braid they never undo, and it looks like it's the home of gross microorganisms. Do yourself and the rest of us a favor, and just chop it off, please. (By the way, I got a couple of these in my teens, so I know what I’m talking about).
Ok, this is a hard one, because no matter how many times I fail so badly with this look, I always try it again every once in awhile. Actually, I just got bangs a couple of weeks ago, and after trying to make them work for a week, I just decided to push them to one side because it’s just not working. Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong about bangs. Some people like Zoey Deschanel have made them their signature look, and they look awesome. The thing is that these are not for everybody, so unless you have a long face or forehead, they’ll just make you look bad.
Look at the picture on the left and tell me what you see. That, my friends, is the face of someone who doesn't know when to let go of a look, and it's just sad. I mean, yes, the classic hairband look was cool for the couple of years it lasted, but not even Nikki Sixx looks good with it anymore. For me, this is like the mullet's rebellious older brother, and for that reason only, it’s a no-no. Besides, do you really want to spend all that time and hairspray on something that looks like the ugliest bird nest in the world?
I’m 99% sure I put this one in the list out of jealousy, envy, and anger because I never had the guts or found a good stylist to make it look good. There are many celebrities and people all over the internet with this bold haircut that look absolutely great. You might even have friends or see people on the street with an amazing haircut like this. But the thing is that more than being related to what type of face you have, it has to do with attitude, and sorry Jada Pinkett Smith, also age.
I don't have to be a fashion historian to tell you that 9 out of 10 kids had this terrible haircut once in their life. Ok, my estimate might not be that accurate, but you get the idea. This was the classic I-don’t-care-what-my-child-looks-like mother’s favorite of all times, and sorry mom, every time I remember this it makes me hate you a little bit. I think even the Biebs didn't like it when he first became famous. Honestly, I just can't imagine anyone going to the salon or to the barber and asking for the classic bowl cut they had when they were little. And those who do...what’s wrong with you?
Last but, definitely, not least, my favorite, also called ramen noodle hair. Getting a nice, professionally-done perm can actually look good on basically anyone, especially if you want to add some volume to your hair. But these really tight curls? I honestly don’t see why people would go for this look. Now, the curls aren't the problem. I think that naturally curly hair can look really cool, but perms look extremely fake and, as the name says, make you look just like a poodle.
As I said, I unsuccessfully tried to rock some of these hairstyles, and even though my hair grew back after some time, it wasn’t a good experience. These days, there are thousands of awesome hair trends that you can try and look awesome in, so I don’t see why people would ever go back to these hairstyles that didn't even look when they first became a thing.
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