6 Relationship Betrayals That Have Nothing To Do With Cheating And Are Just As Painful
April 4, 2018|María Isabel Carrasco Cara Chards
For you, what would be the worst betrayal?
I’ve always said I can forgive anything but a betrayal, and as the title suggests this includes many things that aren't cheating (which I also think is unforgivable). My father always told my sister and me that we could do anything we wanted with our lives and that he would support us as long as we didn’t break his trust, and that remains one of the most important values I have in life. As the saying goes, trust is like a thin glass, that once it’s broken, it can’t be mended. Now, I’m not the biggest fan of clichés, but in this case, it’s absolutely right. It's hard to see someone the same way after they've betrayed you. And yes, there are different levels of betrayal, and some are more easily forgiven than others, but the bottom line is that once your S.O. has hurt you in this way, it's hard for things to go back to how they were.
For me, betrayal is when someone knows fully well what the consequences of their actions can be (breaking the trust; hurting their partner), yet they still do it, regardless of how this might affect their partner and their relationship. The more I think about it, the more certain I am that it's the worst thing someone can do to another person. Let’s put it in practical terms. I’ve always believed that relationships are investments, not economic, but emotional. If I’m giving my trust, time, energy, and feelings to you, the least I expect is for you to value and respect them. When that deal is broken, there’s no way you can repay that investment I made, so I won’t want to bet on you ever again. So, without further ado, here are some betrayals that can be even more painful than cheating.
Confiding in someone else
This one isn’t as bad as the others, but for me, it’s the same. If the person I’ve invested my emotions and trust in doesn’t pay me back in the same way, it’s a sign that we have a one-sided relationship. If they don’t trust me, why should I trust them? For me, that idea that a couple must share everything is outdated and idealistic, but when it comes to serious things that concern both of us, I expect my partner to trust me before random people.
Hiding something serious
This goes hand in hand with the previous one. I don’t expect them to tell me everything about them since we are all entitled to some privacy in life, but there are serious matters that should be put on the table, especially if they can have an impact on the relationship. This could include a disease, perhaps a child, criminal records; in other words, serious things that could affect me indirectly.
As an extremely stingy person, money is quite a serious topic for me. It’s not that I base my life on money, but I’ve always valued the effort it takes to make it. Most people can relate to this, I think. So, abusing my finances would be one of the worst things someone could ever do to me. I can be quite generous, but if someone uses me for my money, that’s stealing and a severe betrayal of my trust.
Not standing up for you
When you love someone, you expect them to stand next to you always, for better or for worse. Again, it’s not that I expect my partner to agree with me on everything, and if I’m mistaken, I wish they'd tell me, but there are situations in life where you need the support of those near you, and if they decide not to stand up for you, it shows that they have no real interest in you.
Sharing something intimate with others
Along with money, this is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship. What happens behind closed doors is private, and shouldn’t be anyone's business. If I’m sharing my intimacy (and not only the sexual kind) with someone, I expect them to keep it to themselves. If I wanted people to know about it, I would tell them personally.
Using you to their advantage
In life, we have to put ourselves before anyone and anything. What I mean with this is when your partner uses you or the relationship for their own benefit. When you’re in a relationship, we can agree that we put ourselves in a vulnerable emotional situation, but we expect our partner to be in the same position, but there are terrible people who only look for how to take advantage of this vulnerability to gain something for themselves.
With all of these different kinds of betrayals, I would honestly prefer that they cheat on me. Ok, no, that’s not true, that’s also unforgivable for me, but actually, I think these go beyond the limits of trust and honesty. At least cheating, for me, is a sign that the feelings have gone away or that they’re looking for something else (that’s why I wouldn’t stay with that person), but these others are pure and deliberate manipulation and treachery. Would you forgive a betrayal?
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Photos by @jessicajanaephotography