20 Lessons About The Pain Of Obsessive Love From 'You,' The New Netflix Hit

The new hit from Netflix, 'You', is the perfect manual for an obsessive, toxic, relationship.

By Corina Mendoza 

No matter how healthy we might think we are, there is always something twisted buried deep within us, ready to be triggered at the slightest provocation. MaybeYou, the new Netflix series, as the review says, is an apology of toxic relationships. In fact, some have said that it encourages committing violence against women, including murder. And they are right. However, raise your hand if you have ever been in a completely healthy relationship, free of jealousy, suspicions, codependence, and toxicity...

But let's not talk anymore about those painful, shame-inducing issues. That's why we have You, the perfect guide to a toxic and obsessive relationship. The following seem like signs that you have met the love of your life, but they are actually red flags about someone's toxic personality that can harm us both physically and mentally.


Note: read until the end if you want to understand this correctly.

You look at them and you know that they will become the love of your life

It is not the typical story of love at first sight. It goes beyond that. This is not a crush, but rather the certainty that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person who accidentally crossed your path. Then, you can't stop thinking about their face, their name, what you said to each other...


So, you start making the perfect plan that will lead them to you in eternal blissful union. Joe knew it from the moment he saw Beck enter the bookstore. It is almost instinctive. (Watch out).

Analyze their body language, facial expressions, and wardrobe choices

Turn on all your sensors, antennas, and satellites: anything can become a weapon to secure your conquest. You can guess what their favorite color is, what lifestyle they lead, how clean they are, if they work out, what their eating habits are, what they find funny, when they are getting bored, how close you can get to them, and a very long etcetera. In an obsessive relationship, there is no time for "rapport and pleasantries." Joe knew that Beck was not wearing underwear and, from the bag she was carrying, he deduced that she was still studying. He only needed to take a look. (Red flag alert).

Everything you need to know about your new crush is one click away

There is no need to ask questions when you can find out everything about them thanks to the divine help of the internet and social media. Where they were born, where they grew up, where they studied, if they are sociable or not, if they like to read, if they prefer parties, if they smoke, drink... Everything, absolutely everything about them is within reach through their personal profiles. And if they are one of those people who stay away from social media, rest assured that there is, at least, one place on the internet where you can find it. Do not despair, a couple of nights and you'll get to find out everything. For Joe's luck, Beck is one of those people who documents every minute of her life, and that made his research easier. (Nobody is safe).

Use all the information you have and manipulate them at your whim

After some exhaustive research, now you can use every detail in your favor and create a personality that matches the man or woman of their. Pretending to be someone you're not is not so bad if it's in the name of love. It is not obsession or madness, it is love in its purest expression. Joe is charming, he just needed a little confidence and to show Beck that she had been dating the wrong men. (The deception is obvious.)

Encourage casual encounters

You already know their habits and their routine. Even if you have to get to the other side of the city to encourage a "What a surprise, what are you doing here?", do it. This way you ensure that your name will not be forgotten along with the thousands of people we meet every day. Inserting your existence into their mind is the most important step; without it, everything you do afterwards will have no foundation. Keep the element of surprise in a "casual" state. It is easy for Joe to move around New York, specifically to the bohemian zone that Beck prefers, as well as getting ready in case she needs help. (Escape.)


Showcase the charm you have created

According to what they expect from their ideal partner, you have created the perfect match for them. Now, you just have to make them notice it. Suggest things they like, make them their favorite food, comfort them; if they hate smokers, quit smoking; if they like intellectuals, carry a book under your arm; if they have a thing for artists, get some paint on your hands and practice in the mirror all the mannerisms of a misunderstood genius. It requires at least a day of preparation, but it will be worth it. Also, do not forget to give glimpses of your own personality as proof. Perhaps they will like it more. Joe knows that Beck feels lonely and needs to be heard, so he plays the role of the sympathetic man perfectly. (It is not normal).

Prove you're better than anyone they've known

You know their love history. In fact, it was the first thing you investigated. You know what they did wrong and how they got hurt. What you should do is not to repeat those mistakes. If they were cheated on, tell them how much you hate cheaters. If they stunted their professional growth, let them know that the most important thing is that they grow as a person. If they destroyed their self-esteem, tell them how important and strong they are all the time. This way, it will be easy for you to come to the conclusion that you are what they have been searching for in life. Joe analyzed Beck's relationship with Benji, and what he did was to behave like a real gentleman, someone unable to use or play with a human being. (Is this normal?)


Use every opportunity to get what you want

Every moment is an opportunity to get one step closer to their heart: dating, casual meetings, research on the internet. Do not let anything get away. Joe takes advantage of every opportunity he gets to conquer Beck. It does not matter how much effort or time it requires. He knows that in the end it will be worth it, so he stands all kinds of things and sees every occasion as an opportunity. (Just, no.)

Never underestimate the power of espionage

The fact that you have made contact and have even gone on two dates does not mean that you should abandon your research and espionage. The human being is very volatile, so the only way to know if you are doing well is to hear it from their lips, and that information will only come out in private conversations. It's easy for Joe to know which way to go because he stole Beck's cell phone, so he knew what she was saying to her friends and how they felt about him. If you can't steal their phone, there is always the option of stalking. (The limit.)


Also, analyze the people around them

It is not enough to just focus on your crush. You should also know what kind of people they're close to. Our friends say a lot about us, just like the places we go and how we relate to people. Those details are crucial when it comes to getting involved in their circle. You can't start from scratch: you have to know what to say or how to act so there is no room for mistakes. Joe knew very well what kind of people Beck's friends were, and even discovered secrets that Peach, her best friend, did not know. (Obsession)

Be careful or you will become the unconditional "friend"

One of Joe's mistakes was his constant availability, and being too cute. Human beings are contradictory, what we wish for one day, seems unbearable the next. You must be smarter than that and anticipate these changes. Create a little mystery around you to keep them interested and make it clear that what you are looking for is unconditional love, not friendship. If you notice that everything is going the wrong way, act fast. Do not panic, keep a cool head; the whole relationship depends on you. (Or not).


Pay attention to the signals

One way to assess the state of the situation is to be constantly alert. Never let your guard down or let yourself feel an unwarranted sense of victory. If you let your guard down even for a moment, everything you have built will crumble to the ground. Joe finds out what Beck likes, and if he gets it wrong, he knows the perfect way to solve it. At least, while they're still in the conquest phase.

Become friends with their friends

Friends are very important. Everyone knows that, in a relationship, you must first get the approval of the circle of friends. That was the reason for investigating their social circle. You know how to win over each one of them. However, you must be prepared for the methods to fail. That was Joe's mistake: not thinking of a plan B and improvising. (Illogical methods).


Try to get involved in every aspect of their life

You must infiltrate their routine: friends, school, work, family, nothing left uncovered. Love is present in everything we do, so why not you, their lover, too? If you forget about anything, you will gradually be displaced you and you will fade into oblivion. Nobody wants that. Joe does not leave a single loose end, not even the therapist. (Sick).

If you can't beat them, join them

That person who is resistant to your charms... Well, you can always become their friend. Living with someone you do not like is one of the most unbearable things in life, but remember that everything you do is in the name of love. Joe had girls' nights and acceded to all of her friends' whims, and even endured Peach's mistreatment, but he never quit. Keep in mind that you will meet someone like that.


And if can't join them, take them out of the game

Peach was an obstacle, and a very dangerous one. They both knew each other's intentions, and the only solution was to take her out of the game. You don't necessarily have to become a murderer, but you must play intelligently and take everything to the last consequences. Once again, it is in the name of love. (Sounds familiar?)

Now's the time to show them why you are the one

It's time to really show all that you have to offer, correct your faults, and shine with all the light you have saved. There is no time to lose. If you take your time and try to slow her into your true charms, she can get bored, and everything you have done will be for nothing. Joe surrendered to Beck in body and soul. He did not put any limits or barriers to his love. (Lies).


You must become indispensable and necessary

When you're in love, you do not want your partner to get upset about anything, so you do everything you can to make their life easier. Joe even offers her work at the bookstore and comforts her when she's grieving Peach's death. This is how you manage to gradually make them depend on you for everything. That way, you can make sure that they never abandon you. (Tricks).

If you have a relationship that you are still not over with, it does't matter, because you will not make the same mistake

Never forget the mistakes you made in the past. You learn from them to forge a better future. You already know people's weak points, you improved your stalking techniques, and you returned to the basics of espionage. So, trust your instincts: if you feel something is happening, it is happening. Joe returns to spy on Beck when he notices that her behavior has changed, and even if he does not like it, he goes back to the old habits to clear the obstacles in the way. (Dangerous until the end)

If none of this works, remember that it was not your fault, there's always someone else to blame

If after doing all of these things, you still fail, don't forget that nothing is your fault. Nobody would do what you did for love. Nobody loves as intensely as you do, so if everything comes crashing down, it was not because you made a mistake.

After reading this, you will be ready for a long and happy relationship... (Note the sarcasm).


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