When we try new things we expand the possibilities of pleasure and abandon the old routine of boring sex.
There are two scenes from relatively recent films that I find really interesting. The first one has become a cliché when we talk about the intersection between technology and sexuality, and the second one is kind of a copy of the first one. I'm talking about the scene in Her (2013) where Samantha, the artificial intelligence that is romantically involved with the protagonist, hires a prostitute to be able to have sex, or something similar to sex, with her human boyfriend.
In the second scene, from Blade Runner 2049 (2017), something very similar happens. Joi, K's holographic girlfriend, hires a prostitute to have sex with him in her place as well. Neither Samantha nor Joi have a body. The experience won't give them any physical pleasure, but they're both eager to please their partners. I'm fascinated by these scenes because, even though they're from sci-fi movies, they represent a common sexual experience. It's not about girlfriends hiring prostitutes to have sex with their boyfriends when they're away: it's about women putting the pleasure of men first, and men agreeing with that.
You probably know about the orgasm gap, from statistics or personal experience. Studies have shown that women orgasm less frequently than men during intercourse. But forget about the statistics for a second and just think about our general attitudes about orgasms. The way in which all sexual experiences seem like a failure if the man doesn't have an orgasm, but if the woman doesn't, well, that's just normal. Right? It shouldn't be. Evidently, the female orgasm is not a priority for the majority of men, and even a lot of women don't expect to orgasm during their first experiences with a new partner. Why does that happen? Can sex toys help eliminate that gap?
When reading about the technology of sex toys, I noticed that there's a lot of emphasis on long-distance relationships, with several options for sex toys that can be controlled by your partner through an app. That's pretty exciting and can be helpful for many of us. But sex toys don't have to be a last resource to be used only when our partner is away. Sex toys can be helpful either in preventing your sex life from going cold or if you're single. They can become tools to explore your sexuality on your own before starting a relationship. They might also improve your whole sexual experience, if you're pre-orgasmic, or even assist in safely recover from trauma if you're not ready to try things with other people.
The wonderful thing about sex toys is the fact that many of them are designed to stimulate different parts of the female body at the same time. Every body is different, especially the female body, and the sexual positions and practices that are satisfying for one person can be completely boring for someone else. The important thing is to give yourself time to get to know your (and your partner's) body. If you're a man in a relationship, set aside the part of your ego that tells you that your penis needs to do all the work. If you're a woman in a relationship, forget about keeping your desires and preferences to yourself, and be willing to discover the wonders of your body, especially when the world tells you that your pleasure is not a priority.
Research about the orgasm gap shows that it shrinks when women are in a long-term relationship. We shouldn't have to wait for our pleasure to become important, but this reveals a very important truth: trust and communication skills in a relationship come with better sex. When we try new things we expand the possibilities of our sex lives and abandon the old routine of goal-oriented sex that, as we know, leaves the majority of us wanting more.
Images by Kamyameha
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