This Is How Dating Apps Are Changing Your Love Life And You Don't Even Realize
January 18, 2018|María Isabel Carrasco Cara Chards
Will Tinder become THE wingman for you?
There’s no doubt that Tinder came to revolutionize the dating world. No matter how much people say it is innovative, it's nothing new under the sun, Grinder was launched three years before. I do however believe that the massification of the app is an eye opener and has changed how we relate to each other in today's dating arena. Of course there are some detractors who say it is artificial and a trend that will soon become obsolete. There's nothing like "real" romance and no app in the world will ever replace the 'experience'. To a certain degree I agree, I feel like when you use these apps there's an artificial element that you cannot remove from the equation. When you go on a tinder date the first question they ask is always the same: "why are you on this app?" There's always a level of incredulity and embarrassment attached to the question and the answers vary from "It's just for fun" to "it's a great way to meet new people."So no matter the awkwardness, apps like Tinder came to stay because the way we live has also changed and in order to keep up with this fast paced world, our dating habits have to adapt as well.
The reason I believe this app has survived this long is because of immediacy. On the surface people may say we're lazy and prefer to socialize without putting any effort, but the reality is far from that and quite dark. In today's world, we are constantly running and pursuing success, money, and stability. It is hard to find a regular job with decent hours and pay that allows enough time to go out during the evenings and have fun. Nowadays, most of us have to juggle several jobs or do freelance in order to pay the bills. Who has the time or energy to head to the bar and strike a conversation with a stranger? Social media and apps like Tinder serve as a band aid that are temporarily covering a hemorrhaging wound. A wound that was created by this fast paced world that resembles a money blowing machine, we are stuck inside flailing our arms around trying to catch a few dollar bills and at the end we are exhausted. So, social media distracts us and gives us enough time to build our romantic life.
Now, i'm not saying everything is doom and gloom, this new lifestyle can be quite comfortable for a lucky few. Technology comes with some sweet perks and we are used to getting things done quickly and easily by simply pushing a button. Patience is a commodity in today's time, if you don't believe me then answer this: when a video doesn't load, don't you want to chuck your phone across the room? How many seconds before you lose your patience? 3? 5? You tell me. We are anxious when we don't get things done right away, this now applies to our love lives.
Apps like Tinder allow us to go through the entire dating process as many times as we want in a matter of seconds. Tinder works in the same way as going to a bar looking to hook up with someone. First, you scan the room to see the available options, then you choose those you like, and only then you talk to them to see how they're really like. People at the same time make profiles of themselves and show what they want and there's nothing new there either. In evolutionary terms, we've always placed looks and image first and other qualities like personality second. When it comes to love, sight is the first filter.
The way Tinder works reminds me of a game, a very entertaining one, and psychologist Chamorro-Premuzic backs me up on this. Tinder not only possesses the stimuli of finding a partner (which has been in our DNA, so to speak, since times immemorial) but can be quite addictive. All in all, when using the app our brain gets quite a lot of stimulation, which makes us want to have more every time we use it. Snotty people may say that you're playing with people by swiping left or right, but isn't love also a game and with each experience you level up and mature?
I wouldn't say that dating apps have changed modern relationships but rather are a convenient tool that enable us to pursue relationships in this hectic modern lifestyle. So whether you prefer to meet people through friends or by opening an app, that's up to you, just play the game, win, and have fun.
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Cover image by @sainthoax