Resentment is a bitter and cold place. Sometimes we have the ability to forgive others, but we’re unable to forget. It doesn’t matter how strong is our love for someone. Sometimes love can cloud our vision and render us unable to decide if someone really deserves to be forgiven.
Don’t forgive them
I’m sure many of us have been told, at least once, that we must forgive someone who has hurt us badly in order to be okay with ourselves and move on, haven’t we? But you know what? I think differently. Some time ago I used to forgive anyone, no matter what they had done to me. I used to think people were really good on the inside and didn’t have a true intention of hurting me. Nevertheless, I understood in time that forgiving the wrong people only gives them more opportunities to hurt you again, believing that you’ll stay there, believing in their word no matter what.
I won’t deny that there are people who do regret the damage they’ve caused and change for the better. I have been both. I’ve learn from the damage I caused, but I’ve also been that person that should’ve never been forgiven. This is how you learn humility and the ability to tell apart those who are worthy of forgiveness from people who aren’t, and swiftly move away from them.
Learn to identify those people who don’t deserve to be part of your life. Only you know the repercussions of their actions. There is no reason for you to explain. There is no reason for you to do what others think is “right.”
So this is my advice: Don’t forgive.
Just continue moving forward, everything will be fine. If you don’t show that final act of kindness to another, they won’t come back because, they won’t be strong enough to do it. And you don’t need them either. There is no reason for you to bear that burden. Maybe it’s karma, or a force of the universe that repays good and bad deeds, you can call it whatever you like, but I’m pretty sure about one thing: if the person who hurt you is held accountable for the damage they’ve done, they might learn something from it, this might make them grow and be better for someone else in the future, and then, everything would’ve been worthwhile.
Don’t forgive… even less so if they haven’t asked for forgiveness. Those who see you suffering but are not willing to change and keep hurting others do not deserve to be forgiven or be shown the compassion they never shared.
You have the right to cry, be angry, or sad because you’ve been betrayed, and you have the right to these emotions. Yes, we’re only human, but this doesn’t give us a get-out-of-jail-free card to hurt those around us indiscriminately.
Don’t forgive, but keep going forward. Eventually, everything will eventually stop hurting and the anger will ebb. This means to forget. You can forget if you want to, but you don’t have to forgive if you don’t want to.
As dreadful as this may sound, people who feed off the love, tears, and energy of others do exist. They don’t care if they trample on the courage and determination of others, they are aware of the hurt their actions cause but they are unwilling to stop and it is this lack of caring that makes them so dangerous. So no, you don’t have to forgive them.
If the one who has betrayed your confidence and never asked for forgiveness don’t deserve a place in your heart or memories. They’re not worth the pain, the suffering, the tears, and the bitter aftertaste. They deserve to be forgotten, not forgiven.
I can assure you, you’ll be fine. You’ll feel relieved afterwards. You must take care of yourself first. If people are sincerely seeking your friendship, love, affinity, fellowship, they’ll do whatever they can to avoid hurting you because they care, and in the end, they won’t need to be forgiven.
Translated by Andrea Valle Gracia
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