From an early age, our parents teach us that only two genders exist: masculine and feminine. They raise us to believe that if someone can’t be placed in either of these categories, then something must be wrong with them.
The social construction of gender roles only determines people’s attitudes towards what they need to do and be: “men don’t cry,” “women take care of the kids and the house,” “cars are for boys, and dolls for girls.” These are just a few examples of the social attributes we should have according to our sex and gender. In this context, the freedom to choose who we want to be is denied.
In Argentina, a child was born a boy, but as soon as he could speak, he identified himself as female. At the age of 4 he changed his name and became a transgender girl. Now, she has become the youngest person to obtain her ID according to her gender identity.
Gender Dysphoria in children is a subject, which is rarely addressed outside the security and comfort of a therapist’s office. An early diagnosis, psychological therapy, and the love and understanding of the parents are key to providing the children a happy life.
Gender Dysphoria is a clinical term that defines a persistent feeling of identification with the opposite gender and discomfort with the birth-assigned sex. According to specialists, gender identity is defined as a personal conception of oneself as male or female, resulting from a combination of inherent and extrinsic or environmental factors.
When children are born, parents and society define them as men or women, and assign them a role. Clothes, games, movies, and even colors are classified according to the kid’s genitalia.
People often confuse gender identity with biological sex, gender expression, and sexual orientation. As a consequence we take away their chance to decide if they want to be males or females.
The question still stands: What should I do if I meet a transgender kid or I am the parent of one?
Information and observation
Psychologist Ximena Olivares Arriagada comments that it’s crucial to observe kids’ behavior. We need to pay attention to their choices, “the gifts they ask for, the clothes they choose, and the games they play. These forms of expression need to be constant and obvious,” the psychologist shares. From an early age, kids are already outspoken regarding who they want to be. “They express their discomfort about their bodies and their genitalia,” adds Olivares. Some children’s discomfort leads them to the extreme of wanting to cut their genitalia off to feel like girls, if they were born as males.
Being transgender is not determined by the games, clothes, or colors they choose, “we need to pay attention to the pronouns they use to address themselves,” the psychologist explains. The key is to listen to what they have to say without peer pressure or pressure from their parents. The response from the latter also impacts how the kids are going to feel about their emotions.
In order to help we need to understand.
“Some parents freeze and don’t know what to do or what to say to their kids, and this is understandable,” Olivares comments. Indeed, as adults we tend to have exaggerated reactions towards any event, specially the ones concerning kids. A negative reaction can frighten the children and can lead them to think they are not worthy. “Kids can suppress their emotions, and as a consequence, they will be prone to suffer from depression. If a parent fails to listen to their kids, they are only leading them to an unhappy life,” explains Olivares.
Children with gender dysphoria suffer in different degrees. They can experience discomfort regarding their gender roles, suffer from mood swings, anxiety, depression, anguish, and hostility. They can also refuse to dress in certain outfits, or they can explicitly reject their genitalia.
“The body externalizes the emotions that fail to be expressed,” shares Ximena. Children’s stress can be manifested in the form of stomachaches or other gastrointestinal complications. On the other hand, fear has even more severe repercussions on children’s health.
In an ideal world, kids should be granted the opportunity to live according to their gender identity, instead of living with the fear of seeing their naked bodies. At home, parents can start giving them certain freedoms, like letting them cut or grow their hair, dress with the clothes they prefer, and respect the pronouns they choose. As soon as the kids start to feel more comfortable in their own skin, they will be more confident in their interactions with others.
In order to help the children to achieve this level of comfort, parents need to be informed, and regularly visit a psychologist. Families, friends, and society need to be supportive and comprehensive of their choices.
Although there’s still a long road ahead, the responsibility to make these kids happy relies on us. Transgender children are like any other kids; they need to be loved and heard. Their choices need to be respected, despite society’s prejudices and even those of their parents.
