Love is simple, we experience it from the first moment we arrive to this world, right at the very second we are embraced by our parents for the first time. We know it is love because they would do anything for us, without asking anything in return. At the same time, love is a complex emotion, we never stop discovering new things about it, even after we turn 80. Love is not flexible, it is regrettable, cathartic, ambiguous, and inspiring. There are thousands of words that can be used to describe it, but it is impossible to find a synonym for it. We can mention all the different types of love; however, there is only one type that succeeds in making us feel miserable most of our lives.
When we fall in love with another person for the first time, we expect it to be epic and perfect. Time and bad experiences teach us to not expect too much from a relationship, and we learn that what goes around comes around. We dodge the bullets of love, people come and go, and they all teach us lessons that make us better people. “Love begins with a metaphor. Which is to say, love begins at the point when a woman enters her first word into our poetic memory,” Milan Kundera beautifully explains.
We all have a great love waiting for us, perhaps we haven’t met them yet, or maybe they are in our lives already. Before we can be together, we need to learn a few lessons so we become the person they need us to be. Here, these lessons come in the shape of the people who we once called “love” and that with their parting taught us a new meaning of this word.
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The one who knew nothing about love
He was your first boyfriend, or at least the person who tried to teach you the meaning of the word ‘relationship’. With him you learned to hold hands and share passionate and sloppy kisses. You both struggled with the oceans of feelings accumulated in your stomachs. He was the first person you broke up with for stupid reasons. You won’t miss him, but you’ll always remember the innocence of your relationship.
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The one who’ll make you think you want to settle down
Adolescence is the word used to summarize those years of painful awkwardness, when we assume we know everything, and feel we can do anything. We find ourselves involved with the person who finally makes us understand all the fuss around the love songs, the cheesy poems, and the romantic movies. It takes only one day to be bedazzled by him. We surrender to the dreams of him, and we even think marriage is the most logical choice.
Two weeks are enough time to start shouting to the world that he is The One. You cannot stop talking about the song you will dance at your wedding. You are truly convinced you will always be together. Having sex with that person feels right because you love him. You fight your parents about it. If they fail to understand you or your teachers shake their heads, baffled at your convoluted thoughts, how are they going to understand the dictates of you heart? But suddenly, your relationship ends as fast as it started, and the scars can still be seen to this day.
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The one who’ll teach you new things
He represents a stable relationship, and he is the one who pushes you out of your comfort zone, and introduces you to a whole new world. The music that you listen to is completely different to the one that he listens to. He is the “bad boy” who makes you forget about all your pink, princess-style fantasies. The relationship was not romantic, but you still see it as if it was. He is a boyfriend worth remembering, and even though you had a dramatic break up, you know you’ll never going to be the same person ever again.
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The one who’ll teach who are your true friends
You only recognize certain mistakes after a significant amount of time has passed, and there are friends who have no problem forgiving those lapses of judgment. In the history of your chaotic relationships there is a man who falls under the category of Big Mistake. He is with you 24/7 and eventually annoys everyone but you. He is the one you want to take to the parties with friends you haven’t seen for months. You want him to hang out with you on girl nights, because you think he is incredible. He is the boyfriend who is attached to you and the one responsible for making your friends disappear.
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The one who’ll separate you from your family
After your friends, family is the second biggest challenge your boyfriend need to face. He starts to win over the family by laughing at you mom’s jokes and by discussing baseball with your dad. Your brothers, even your grandparents love him, and love spending time with him. But time changes the relationship, and when you start having problems, all of your family knows something is wrong. The arguments become heated discussions in front of your parents, and he begins to use manipulation as a weapon against you. You choose to stop seeing your family to save what cannot be saved. He is a painful lesson you won’t forget.
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The one who’ll teach you how it feels to live with other person
The teenage years belong to the past, and you know you’re becoming an adult. School is finally over, and it’s time to start looking for a job. You also need to start finding a place to live, and the thought is overwhelming. Getting a rommie sounds like a good idea, and then you remember that your boyfriend is looking for a place too. So, you both decide it’s time to move in together. You don’t even stop to think of the cons of making such an important decision, you can only think of how you can have sex on every corner of the apartment. But all perfect dreams must come to an end, and this one’s no different. At a certain point you’ll realize you can’t spend one more night next to him, or the routine will take over your relationship. And so, you’ll be apartment hunting again.
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The one who’ll make you never want to love again
He is the person who snatched away all of your hopes and dreams away from you. You cannot move, and it is inevitable for you to feel devastated. He changed your life for the worse. All the times you discovered you had been cheated on before, cannot be compared to the betrayal you feel by this person. The pain you are feeling is excruciating because he decided to walk away when you needed him the most.
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The one that got away
You can meet him at any moment of your life. He was the one, but you didn’t know it back then. Even if you meet someone new, and even if that person makes you happy, he will always be a recurring memory. Your relationship was amazing, yes, you had your share of problems, but they were not a good reason to let him go. But you did. You can spend the rest of your life not saying his name, but the memories you shared together, will haunt you forever.
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With time, the right person will come. If you look back at all the relationships you had before him, you’ll know they only helped you to become the person you needed to be.
