“-I think we must end this.
-Do you mean the conversation or the relationship?”
–Scott Pilgrim (2010)
After some random encounters, you’re finally dating the person you’ve been crushing on for months. You go to the movies, have dinner every weekend, and they even talk to you about their day. Maybe you’ve already had sex, and you probably think you’re in a formal relationship, but all of a sudden, everything changes. You are ghosted and left wondering what went wrong.
No one is able to tell you why this person you’ve been trying to start a relationship with has decided to walk away. Nobody taught you the art of seduction and how to be in a serious relationship, and for a painful second you believe you’ll spend the rest of your days alone.
All your friends seem to be happily in love and when you compare yourself to them you can’t find what’s truly wrong with you. They’ve found someone who loves them back while you’re waiting for someone who has just vanished.
Why do you fail every time you want to have a relationship with someone you like?
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1. Different expectations
The most common reason is that you’re looking for different things. Perhaps that person doesn’t want or isn’t ready to start a new relationship with you. So, when things start getting serious, they walk away.
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2. Priorities
We all have different priorities in life, no matter how much chemistry you share, if you don’t share similar visions then you’re bound to drift apart. Some people want economic stability while others look for love, neither is better than the other, they’re just different.
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3. Incompatibility
No matter how much you try and how much effort you put into the first dates or even months of a relationship, sometimes things just don’t work out. You cannot jam together two pieces of a puzzle that cannot fit together, if you do then you distort their original shape and purpose. We all have a role and life to lead, some people will stay in your life and others are simply passing by, this person may fall in the latter category.
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4. Communication problems
Maybe they really like you, but they don’t know how to voice it. Silences can widen the gap between two people and can make every insecurity and doubt appear larger. So, communication is a bridge you need to build in every nascent relationship.
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5. You acted too late
If someone tells you their real intentions and you just ignore them or don’t take a decision, don’t be surprised if they move on. Many people go through this, suddenly you realize you like them but they’ve already moved on.
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6. You haven’t moved on
Talking about your ex can frighten away any potential new partner. Perhaps you ended on good terms and the only thing you have left are nice memories, but it’s time to move on to new things and experiences.
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7. Staying on the sidelines
Yes, some people are more shy than others but that shouldn’t stop you from voicing your desires and going after the things you want in life. If you stay too long on the sidelines you’ll end up regretting many things.
Inertia is the surest road to regret.
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8. Different relationship expectations
Some people don’t want to be in a committed or serious relationship and are looking for more casual encounters. This ties in with incompatibility and priorities, if you want a serious relationship but they’re looking for something more casual then it’s obvious you’ll drift apart. That’s alright, we all want different things in life, it’s just a matter of finding someone who shares a few of your goals.
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9. Time
Time rules everything and we are ruled by every tic-tock. School, work, courses, and distance can affect your relationships. No one is to blame, since this is not the right moment for either of you. Maybe later you’ll find the time.
Relationships fade and fall apart, but that doesn’t mean you should give up or be influenced by the opinions of others. There’s more to life than relationships and hook ups, simply enjoy the ride as you go through life looking for that special someone.
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All these photos belong to Tristan Paiige.
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Translated by María Isabel Carrasco Cara Chards
