By Star LaBranche
You know how once you notice something you can’t stop seeing it everywhere? This happened to me a few years ago with diet talk. I was out meeting a new person with a friend, and the three of us sat there talking about dieting, weight loss, skinny versions of foods we liked, exercise we weren’t doing, and everything else imaginable having to do with our waistlines.
Is this it?
When I went home that night I thought how sad it was that I never learned the new woman’s passions or hobbies or goals. All I knew about her was she doesn’t like kumquats even though she had a really good smoothie recipe for them, and she just needs to lose 20 more pounds to feel like a person again. Are our diets and our #WorkOutEnvys really more interesting and important than who we are as people?
I think not.
Oh no, it’s everywhere!
But once I realized that women were talking about their diets instead of everything else in the world to talk about, I started noticing it everywhere. Lunch with a friend would begin with a quick diet app calorie check and discussion of every dish on the menu. Some days I still wonder, if you have half of your French fries, can you forgo your dessert and still make your calorie count for the day? A person I barely knew would end up lecturing me on what to eat, how to eat, and most importantly, not to eat too much.
One day, I have no idea when, everything crashed down around me. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t keep talking about my diet, my thighs, or my thoughts on whatever new fad had hit the dieting world. I couldn’t do it.
I was simply bored out of my mind with this subject.
Onions, Onions have Layers
But this wouldn’t be an issue unless it were complicated and full of layers. I’ve managed to peel away a few, but I’m sure there are more lurking underneath.
1. I’m tired of having to be beautiful
I’m tired of everything I am and everything I want to do with my life being distilled down to this one facet. I’m tired of my appearance being the most important thing about me, and no matter how good I am or how bad, I am still just pretty or not pretty or some other measure of physical attraction.
2. I’m tired of this being used as a weapon against me
Eat that and you’ll be ugly. Buy this product and you’ll be beautiful. If I don’t put my appearance at the forefront of my thinking, I suddenly have more money in my bank account at the end of the month. For anyone who loves beauty products, there is nothing wrong with that. If it’s what you want to do, do it. The problem is when women are driven by fear to purchase something or behave a certain way, instead of how they want to.
3. I don’t owe anyone an explanation for my body
Due to my binge eating disorder (BED), I have been a size 8 and a size 24 in my adult life. My weight changes constantly, and when it comes to an acquaintance I run into at the supermarket, I don’t have the energy to explain my regular weight gains and losses, nor should I have to. It does me more harm that people think the size of my body is an acceptable conversational topic.
4. I get obsessive about my body and my weight, and I don’t need anyone encouraging me
I didn’t get an eating disorder by having a healthy relationship with food. Even stray comments about my weight or body can trigger underlying issues. Compliments can be problematic. You never know what talking about another person’s body really entails.
5. It’s just unnecessary
There’s no law that says people have to talk endlessly about their bodies. Everyone is capable of appreciating and discussing things in someone’s life that aren’t their weight.
What’s the solution to this weighty problem?
The solution to this issue is probably continuing with cultural shift away from seeing women as objects and rather as people of worth. In the short term, I practiced the phrase, “I don’t discuss my weight.”
I got to use it the other day when someone asked me if I was eating too much rice in my diet. It stopped the person short. Probably because they had never heard it before. The silence that came afterward… was so peaceful.
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