For the last 30 years, studies have sought to figure out the effect of having kids on the life of a couple, and the results have shown that, statistically, couples with kids report as much as twice the amount of dissatisfaction as couples without kids. And in couples where the kids were not planned, the prospects are even worse.
The irony of this is that, even when couples report less overall satisfaction in the relationship, the probabilities of divorce are also reduced. Perhaps this is because of the responsibilities they now share and that will stay like that for the rest of their lives. So, even though there is plenty of proof that having kids does make you less happy, you probably will stay with your partner for longer.
And although making the family larger can put a strain on the parents’ relationship, from an individual standpoint, things can be different, since many people also consider having kids to be one of the most gratifying parts of life. For young people, becoming parents usually also comes with the idea of being more united as a couple, but this is not something supported by evidence, and it comes only from their own expectations and naivete.
To bring a baby to the relationship will definitely change the dynamics, since it adds many responsibilities for both of them, alongside a lot of financial responsibilities, instead of the “how’s your day going?” from the courtship stage. And also, the intimacy of the couple will change; there will be fewer sexual encounters and less sexual satisfaction, and sex will be replaced with talks, negotiations, and stressful situations.
And women are the ones who carry a larger load of the new responsibilities. Even when both have full-time jobs and share the financial burden, it is usually the woman who carries the larger workload at home and with the kids. This dynamic, in turn, puts an even heavier strain on the relationship.
But, regardless of how dire these findings sound, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and as any parent can tell you, the experience of raising a kid who is happy, self-confident and independent is the most satisfactory experience and worth every moment of stress. No matter what science says, having and raising a happy family is a personal decision.
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