Is Benching The Most Sadistic Way To Keep Someone's Interest?

Is Benching The Most Sadistic Way To Keep Someone's Interest?

By: Olympia Villagrán -

So it turns out benching is the new ghosting. Have you ever heard any of those terms? In case you hadn't, let me break things down for you.

Let's suppose you were dating a guy with whom you had a great time together. But by the time you're totally head over heels, he just vanishes. Your heart sinks the moment you realize he no longer appears on your Facebook friends list, and he won't answer your calls, texts, or e-mails. Finding out that your e-mails and texts couldn't be delivered, and that photo album of both of you happily together vanished along with him is as painful as it is shocking. To disappear entirely from the Internet is customary nowadays, and it's also a result of people's fear of commitment or difficulty to develop strong bonds. That's what ghosting is. Also, it is a cowardly thing to do. There, I said it. 

Puppet, meet your puppet master

Finding out that you were only a brief fling for that person is hurtful, but benching, on the other hand, can be worse and much scarier. It's a machiavellian tactic that people usually employ to avoid getting involved in a relationship and at the same time keep the person close to them. People will say that they want to "keep things open" until they "figure out their feelings" as an excuse to keep you hooked. Why do they do that? Why on Earth does that keep your interest alive? Well, because they know you'll keep holding onto the hope that one day they'll wake up and realize you were the love of their life all along. But I'm sorry to say, this only happens in movies and cheesy novels. The reality is that they just want to enjoy the fringe benefits of having you around while they can.

benching dating without you Im nothing
Whether you're the "bencher" or the "benchee," this tactic is a ruthless form of deceiving a person who genuinely cares about you. A bencher will say white lies, display signs of affection, or use vague relationship-related terms to keep you around, and a relationship of that kind can only be troublesome, hurtful, and most of all toxic.

benching dating nakedness
Benching stems from selfishness, ego, or cowardice. People who get involved in a "better than nothing" relationship just get fed with false hopes by a person who seeks momentary attention and admiration. The truth is they don't want a relationship with you and never will. You just don't notice it because social media glosses over the cracks in this relationship. 

benching dating braids

Whatever way you look at it, benching is a gamble in which the person who bets all their feelings and commitment is bound to suffer. However, it's difficult to break this vicious cycle: it's really hard to figure out if a person is just playing with you or finds it hard to express their emotions. You'll be more likely unable to accept that they're using you to boost their ego until a reasonable amount of time has passed.

benching dating  reflection

 Maybe they're too insecure and need an ego boost really bad; perhaps they don't want to look like assholes and are afraid of hurting your feelings if they tell truth, or they just want sex and nothing else. There could be plenty of reasons for a person to act this way, but none justifies that shitty behavior. To feed someone false hopes through fake loving texts, mixed signals, or dishonesty can be equally or even crueler as disappearing from their lives, since you won't let that person grieve the loss of the relationship and heal. People who are mature enough will have the guts to clarify the situation by saying goodbye.

benching dating

If someone keeps asking you to take you out on a date, but for some strange reason they always end up cancelling, you should consider the possibility that they might be benching you. On the contrary, if you keep receiving loving texts from a person and only answer with emojis and mixed or vague messages, please stop lying... Life could turn the tables on you one day.

Translated by Andrea Valle

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