Just like other aspects of modern life, humans have found a way to complicate courtship and turn it into an impossible feat. Some species of the animal kingdom base attraction on the color of their feathers; others use dance or even sounds for seduction. There are some animals who find their ideal mate by urinating on one another, while the most dangerous eat their partners as they engage in sexual relations.
Obviously, a man does not need to burst into song or use a specific dance move to win over the woman standing in front of him. However there are a few tricks available that include tone of voice, position of hands and feet, chest and back posture, among other things.
It’s clear as women; we also due a particular ritual to lure the opposite sex. From tone of voice to the speed of our movements, we modify different things to get the other’s attention. Unlike other animals, people make the seduction process impossible. Each species possesses a specific style of flirtation that always remains the same, whereas humans have an infinite array of combinations of internal and external elements that make our process a entire voyage into the land of attraction.
Body language, manners, previous romantic experience, sexual orientation, confidence, and many other aspects define your personality, which in turn make flirting with other people easy or difficult. Jeffrey Hall and Chong Xing, communication experts at University of Kansas, analyzed verbal and nonverbal behavior in strangers paired into couples, in order to identify the relationship between their personality and the flirting method they used, as well the method they expected to get, and the one they actually got.
The research results identified five basic categories for flirtation that are related to our most intimate traits and our most ingrained interests. The elements determine our attraction to others, or help us know how to act when we’re with someone we’re interested in.
Traditional
This category is mainly related to our idea of gender and their roles. For example, women of Western cultures believe that men should initiate the game of seduction and flirtation. This convention would be referred as traditional flirting. Aside from just cultural aspects, other factors such as age, educational background, and professional training have a strong influence. Some people prefer the formality and subtlety of this kind of flirting to the less conventional ones.
Those who fit into this style tend to use small signs of interest through subtle verbal playfulness. If you notice your date uses this technique you shouldn’t rush things since you can make them uncomfortable. You must make them feel like you’re in control of the situation by approaching them or initiating conversation. Though they don’t really enjoy physical contact after the first meeting, it’s important to keep the dialogue interesting and fun.
Physical
Unlike the latter one, this technique tends to be slightly suggestive. The person involved enjoys the physical interaction because it makes them feel safe. According to Hall and Xing’s study, women who use this method make slight hand movements and constantly nod their heads during conversations. On the other hand, guys who prefer to use their hands to establish a simple connection with their crush, try not to make visual contact and hardly give compliments.
If the person you’re with moves closer to you after you place your hand on their leg or slightly hold their hand, you’ll know this is someone who likes physical flirtation.
Honest
The first thing that will let you know someone flirts this way is because they’ll tell you. Beating around the bush is not the style of the honest flirt. But what happens when the one you’re interested in is not as direct as you? When the honest flirt shows up, there’s no stopping them. If they like someone they’ll come out and say it, as well as find the way to get to know that person on a deeper level.
To know if an honest flirt likes you, or to figure out how to get along with them, you need to notice if they share glances with you. According to the study, that’s the first thing an honest flirt will do, and only someone as bold as them would respond with a smile. If this is not working, and you are interested, you should probably resource to traditional flirting.
Dynamic
This is usually the kind to be used by someone who’s not looking for a relationship and might only want a fun, casual rendezvous. Those who fall into this category tend to give involuntary signals. They might lift their chests, raise their tone of voice, and use big movements. This is a bit of honest and physical flirting.
If someone is using this on you, just realize that they might just be interested in a one-night stand. But if you’re the one trying to get with the person who can’t stop laughing, dancing, and socializing at a party, you’ll be right to apply this flirtation technique. It’s all about commanding the attention of the one you like with the risk of others thinking you’re obnoxious or rude. If the one you’re interested in is used to being the center of attention, you’ll need a bit of creativity to get your words, looks, and movements to work.
Discreet
This one is harder to decipher, both for the one who employs it as the one who receives it. Unlike the previous case, discreet flirtation is based on not showing any interest whatsoever, even if they are interested, until after getting to know the other person a little better. According to Hall and Xing, despite their romantic inclinations, their efforts to get verbally or nonverbally closer to their crush will be barely noticeable.
If the person you’re attracted to barely shows any interest yet shows confusing signals, this could be a discreet flirt. Don’t lose hope and try to make them feel at ease. But above all, be very open with them: this might be what they’re waiting for. If you’re going to try this technique on someone make sure you’re with someone patient and interested in establishing a formal relationship. Otherwise your crush will lose interest or never realize you had any interest.
If you’d like to check out the study from University of Kansas, click here.
Translated by María Suárez
