“Everyone thinks I’m evil. And it’s kind of fun that they think so. If that works for them, it doesn’t bother me at all. Being a dominatrix is not about hurting someone, but instead giving them what they need. For example, what if you not only need a good spanking but actually deserve it? Why would I keep you from getting it? Yes, I need to drag it out to make my clients beg, but when the time comes, they’ll get their reckoning. I’ll be measuring how their body reacts, and it’s not always best to measure that just by how hard or moist is the penis . That’s what sets me apart from others in the business.
It’s no accident that my job is to be mistress of the dungeon. I own and facilitate the best screams, cries, and ejaculations in the world. I give others the chance to experience the most incredible and intimate sensations. I can be as extreme as they want me to, like clamping the testicles of man who is aroused by the forbidden, while wearing a leather top, latex garter belt, and 12 inch heels. That’s who I am and I’m proud of it.
I should make a couple things clear: First of all, I don’t have sex with any of my slaves; they don’t deserve such gifts. Nor do I allow this lifestyle of helping others achieve pleasure take over my entire life. Everyone would be shocked to know what I do for a living when I’m not beating someone for an hour or reminding them why their deceased mother was not proud of them.”
What comes to your mind when you imagine yourself in a bondage party? Letting someone tie up your hands and feet, then violently toy with your genitals, and feeling like these are torn from your body. Sensing the edge of a blade scratching your back, not being able to see absolutely anything, and perhaps having trouble breathing as a cold sweat drips underneath a leather suit. More than likely, the next thought that will come to mind is having lost your mind for agreeing to such a strange thing as having sex on such dangerous terms. But you need to relax and know that’s just your preconceptions talking.
We tend to judge those who practice sadism as unbalanced beings who are completely detached from reality. Dark, out-of-control, and full of monstrous obsessions, BDSM (Bondage-Discipline, Dominance-Submission, Sadism & Masochism) practitioners are often identified as completely sick individuals incapable of sustaining “normal” sexual intercourse, who engage in dangerous and extreme acts as a way of coping with some previous trauma.
If we could get a visual diary of their everyday life, we might get proof that they do spend most of their time searching for weird situations in order to get turned on or be able to act like predatory vampires all the time. In fact, we do have it, and no, they’re not eccentric creatures roaming the whole world searching for defenseless beings to prey on. They’re not necessarily a figure with spikes, clamps, and a riding crop that has become famous in movies and tabloids.
That’s not to say that they don’t exist, but they’re not the only kinds of BDSM. Samir Abady’s photo series titled Kink demonstrates exactly that, as it portrays a group of women who lead a life as ordinary as any other. However, they don’t consider S&M as a disgusting kind of hobby. Instead, it is through this practice that they find pleasure or a profession that consensually studies the limits of human pleasure.
In Kink, experimenting with extremes and the limits in bed is an act that results in a greater connection that therapy or some other kind of healing method.
Bondage is the perfect opportunity to be free and allow the deepest desires to draw the pace of the encounter without the need for penetration or any conventional sort of stimuli.
Being a dominatrix, and being requested as such, is to break traditional power hierarchies.
To allow yourself to be guided by a dominatrix is to give in to that itch that comes with switching societal standards.
According to psychological studies, requiring extreme domination and submission during sex is as normal as any other sensual habit.
It has been proven that people who love BDSM are much less neurotic and sensitive to rejection.
Whether they engage passively or actively in sadomasochism, these people are found to be more extroverted, open to new experiences, conscious, as well as more sure of themselves.
These photographs serve as the visual confessions of a dominatrix. At the same time, they don’t try at all to focus on the scandalous and intense lives of those whose profession lies in satisfying a particular type of sexual need. Samir Abady has always tended to capture the curious normalcy with which these acts take place and the everyday life of these women who are involved in this practice. Each of the ones pictured in this collection prove that there is room within their habits and services for needs, fears, hope, honesty, friendship, as well as tenderness. It’s not all secrets and silence.
Translated by María Suárez
