I know that Pride Month is over, but that doesn’t mean we stop learning new terms, in this case ‘comphet‘ or compulsory heterosexuality. Let’s dive in the ‘comphet’ meaning.
This is the Comphet Meaning
According to the Choosing Therapy experts, ‘comphet’ or compulsory heterosexuality is a “pressure that people feel to live by heterosexual norms and behaviors, even if they do not desire to do so.”
This condition can negatively impact all people regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, however, it can affect the LGBTQ+ population to a greater extent, especially lesbian women.
Comphet Symptoms
Having compulsive heterosexuality can look very different for everyone who experiences it, so it is best not to generalize them and rather try to validate each one of them, no matter how different they may be.
However, there are some signs that you might notice if you are experiencing comphet like:
- Feeling pressured to find a partner of the opposite gender.
- Feeling that you need to comply with the norms of heterosexual society such as getting married and having children because it has to be that way and not because you want it that way.
- You have a hard time visualizing yourself in a relationship with someone of the same gender because you have internalized homophobia.
- You fantasies about an opposite gender person but don’t wanting to be with them in real life.
- You feel guilty after having intimate relationships with someone of the opposite gender.
- Forcing yourself to like the other person.
- Wanting the idea of having a boyfriend/girlfriend.
- You want them to like you but you don’t like them.
The truth is that with this term, many lesbian women have been able to understand many past traits, and many others have even been able to come out of the closet thanks to the exposure of this term on social media.
Where does the term comphet come from?
Queer feminist, poet, and essayist Adrienne Rich popularized this term in her 1980 essay titled “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence”. In essence, comphet refers to how heterosexuality is enforced as the norm, impacting not only lesbians but also many queer people.
How can you deal with Comphet?
While there is no cure for compulsive heterosexuality because it is not a disease, there are some ways to navigate the situation, such as:
- Self-Reflection: Take time to explore your feelings and attractions. Consider whether societal norms are influencing your preferences.
- Seek Support: Connect with LGBTQ+ communities, friends, or online forums. Sharing experiences can give you the validation and understanding that you need.
- Be Kind to Yourself: Accept that it’s okay to question and explore your sexuality. Embrace self-discovery without judgment. You can try to write about your feelings and thoughts with compassion.