I think I should start this with one important fact: I’m over 25. In fact, I also happen to be older than another dreaded birthday, 30. The title question is one that I’ve been asking myself and people around me recently. It was ignited by an article about fashion items no respectable woman over the age of 30 should wear. Why do we continue with this idea that we all fall off the face of the Earth after our twenties? Is it possible that we start feeling the pressure five years prior to the big switch?
When I was 25, everyone around me was talking about going through some sort of quarter-life crisis. And I got it, somewhat. I had finished two college degrees by then, yet was still unable to find a full-time job. I didn’t know if I needed to leave for another town or if there was something else I hadn’t been doing right. Was my CV lacking something? But everyone else was talking about buying a house or moving across the country to follow their forgotten childhood dream.
As my thirtieth birthday loomed closer, I started to panic. What would I need to change about my life strategy? It wasn’t just career-related either. I started to ask myself whether there was in fact something I was doing wrong or backwards somehow. But then, I took a breath and meditated on the actual reasons why I was feeling this way. Who was I attempting to impress or compete with? Why was I placing these standards and expectations on myself? After some thinking, I realized that I had placed my worth on a scale based on the ideas and constructs of other people. Ultimately, I think this is a really common situation for people reaching a particular milestone in life.
Regardless of whether you turn 16, 18, 21, 25, 30, 40, 50, etc., it’s likely that you’ll have these moments of uncertainty and doubt. But the problem with comparing and contrasting your achievements, as well as the things you still haven’t gotten to, with what others have done, is that you’re putting yourself in an impossible situation.
Each of us has our own path and story. By measuring ourselves against others, we’re disregarding difficulties we’ve overcome, as well as setbacks that have turned into unexpected blessings. Perhaps the person you’re comparing with already has a successful business while you’re still getting it off the ground or had to start over. But it’s within that revaluation period you might find a better plan or solution.
But going back to the fear of 25, I think the biggest issue are the expectations brought on by fictional scenarios. If you saw a TV show of a group of recent postgrads living in New York City in a fancy apartment, all of whom had dream jobs and perfect wardrobes, when you were in your teens, it’s understandable that you’ll be disappointed. But, that one is definitely not you. There’s plenty of film and TV that portray an unreal side of life to create a particular atmosphere. But the likeliness of many of these situations actually happening is pretty unlikely.
If there’s an inspiring story to remind us that it’s never too late to find our dream, it’s Baddiewinkle, the Instagrandma sensation. At the age of 85 she garnered followers and fame simply for being herself. She’s done different things throughout her life and never paid attention to what social norms claim she should act or wear. In fact, my favorite thing is how her bio and motto is “Stealing your man since 1928.”
So instead of worrying about your world ending by a particular birthday, focus on reaching your goals and evolving each day into the person you want to be. But don’t think that if you don’t get there by a certain age it’s all lost. There’s no age for success or happiness. What matters is that you don’t put off your life waiting for the time when it’s all perfect. Instead, learn everything you can each day and continue to be true to what you believe.
There’s no one way to be 25, 30, 40, or, in Baddiewinkle’s case, 88. Trust your instincts and live the life that’s right for you, instead of someone else’s.
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