Sometimes, as bloggers, we get messages from people who simply need to be heard. Recently, we received a marriage testimony, this story was sent by Sandy, who wanted to share a situation with her husband that has been weighing heavily on her.
It’s a reminder of how words, even said in jest, can affect our self-esteem and relationships in ways we don’t always realize.
Here’s Sandy’s marriage testimony, written in her own words, along with my reflections on her experience:
Sandy’s Letter
Dear Cultura Colectiva,
I feel embarrassed even writing this, but I just need to get it off my chest and maybe hear a different perspective. My husband, Chris, has been making these comments lately that I just can’t shake off. When we first got married, he would jokingly say that he’s “the catch” in our relationship, kind of laughing it off, you know? I’d roll my eyes and laugh too, trying to ignore how uncomfortable it made me feel. I thought it was harmless, but it hasn’t stopped, and it’s starting to get to me.
The jokes have gone from being an occasional thing to something he now says around friends and even his family. He says stuff like, “Well, of course, I’m the looker between us,” or “I’m the handsome one in the relationship,” and then laughs like it’s a big joke. A few friends of mine have pointed out how weird it is, saying that he shouldn’t be putting me down in front of others. But I still defend him, brushing it off and saying, “Oh, he’s just joking!” Inside, though, I feel… I don’t know, maybe a bit ashamed?
I’m not ugly, at least I don’t think I am. But his comments make me question that, and I start thinking maybe I’m not attractive, and he really did “settle” for me. I just wish he wouldn’t keep saying it, but I also don’t want to make it a big issue. I’m afraid if I bring it up, he’ll say I’m overreacting or his family will think I’m too sensitive. I don’t want to cause a scene. I just want to stop feeling like the one who’s somehow less deserving in our relationship.”
Sandy*
Reflections and Marriage Advice
This marriage testimony is more common than we might think, and it shows how much weight words carry, especially when they come from the people closest to us.
Chris’s comments may have started out as jokes, but as they’ve continued, they seem to have slowly chipped away at Sandy’s confidence. Joking or not, Chris’s repeated remarks position him as the “prize” in the relationship, which can make his partner feel “less than” or even undeserving.
When our loved ones put us down, even subtly, it can deeply affect our self-image.
It’s easy to overlook these comments or laugh along to avoid conflict, but these kinds of remarks are problematic because they subtly reinforce an imbalance in the relationship.
In a healthy partnership, both partners should feel valued, seen, and cherished. One person repeatedly declaring themselves as the “catch” can be disrespectful, creating an environment where the other partner feels they need to “measure up” or prove their worth.
For anyone facing similar issues, communication is key. While it may feel daunting, having an honest conversation about how these comments impact your feelings is crucial. In Sandy’s case, opening up to Chris, letting him know she feels hurt, may help him understand the effect of his words.
Ultimately, a partnership thrives on mutual respect and kindness, not jokes that undermine or devalue one another. If Chris truly values Sandy, as we hope he does, he’ll be willing to see things from her perspective and make a change. It’s a reminder for all of us to check in on the words we use, especially with those we love most.
