Are you going through a painful break up or your heart is bruised? Read on…
Life is filled with memories, but for a peculiar reason it is the painful ones that are bound to rise faster and brighter into our mind’s eye. It is thanks to them that we can measure our steps and be cautious of where we might be heading next. This large vault houses all kinds of experiences, but the ones we wish to focus on are the faded memories of love that resulted in heartbreak, because anything that deeply touches the heart are worthy of remembering. They are the best lessons life has to offer.
I have compiled in my notebook the testimonies of twelve women who attempted to get back with their ex but soon realized it was heading nowhere. Their attempts to revive the magic that had once been poignant and powerful fell flat and sometimes with unexpected consequences.
These are some of their confessions
“We decided to go out again. After weeks of not talking to each other and having a lot of free time to think things through, he called me. There was something in his voice that told me to give this relationship one more try. Dinners, flowers, and other small details to slowly heal past wounds, and it was in that moment that he felt confident enough to tell me he wanted to do things differently. He suggested a threesome and a polyamorous relationship. That was the last time we saw each other.”
Emma (24 years old)
“The social media and Instagram euphoria was barely starting, and I was against opening any account. It was during those days that I began to go out with this guy, and slowly he became very important to me. One weekend, I had a family engagement and I couldn’t meet up with him, but he never called and I never insisted. It wasn’t until Monday that I decided to take a look at his social media account, and I found a recent photograph of the two of us and the caption read, ‘With my best friend. Why bother’.”
Andrea (26 years old)
“I never thought he’d hit me, not even when we were going out had he ever yelled at me. After our second breakup we decided to patch things up and go to the cinema. When we left the place, we began to fight and he slapped me across the face. We were in the middle of the street and people stopped and stared. I can’t remember the motives behind the fight, but it was at that precise moment that I packed my things and left. I never pressed charges.”
Victoria (31 years old)
“We used to work together, which made harder it to get over the relationship. On one occasion he was sent on a business trip and I never found out, he never told me. It was a simple thing, but I knew I was worth much more. The fact that he didn’t consider my feelings was a red alert. The worst part was the rumors circulating around the office. “
Alexandra (29 years old)
“We were supposed to last forever. We decided to get back together after a break caused by a misunderstanding. We both decided we deserved a second chance. As the days went by, she began to behave in a strange way, she would call me every 30 minutes, write to me, and expect me to be at her beck and call. She would complain about my friends and the fact that I went out with them. She would be upset if I decided to take time for myself. I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. The relationship was not the only thing we lost; we lost a precious friendship as well. I decided to let her go.”
Lena (26 years old)
“We had broken up two years ago, and one day out of the blue he called me. In a sense, he expected me to fall into his arms, but things didn’t work out as he wanted them to. I had already met someone who I trusted far more than him, but I still decided to go out for coffee. We met and after a few painful and awkward hours, I told him not to call me again.”
Alicia (28 years old)
“After eight years together and a series of catastrophes, we decided to part as friends. I knew he had slept with one of my friends, but I still gave him another chance. It was a big mistake, but I still held on to the idea that once we restarted the relationship, the special magic that used to connect us would resurface. To make the story short, he went to a party and slept with one of my friends. It didn’t hurt as much, but it certainly was an eye opener into his character.”
Jane (31 years old)
“We had just finished university and days had barely passed when we decided to break up. I went to the beach for spring break, and he did exactly the same with his friends. Weeks after the holiday we started talking again, and I could feel the spark resurfacing again but it was soon snuffed out when he asked me how many men I had slept with since we had broken up. I didn’t think it was necessary to know this information, but he certainly was eager to share his conquests with me. What was he thinking, sharing this information with me?”
Maria (21 years old)
“We were on an off for 6 years. To say that it was chaotic doesn’t begin to cover it. I should have realized ages ago, but I was obstinate to make things work. I knew he was sleeping around, but I refused to confront him. It was the last conversation that we finally opened up and confessed everything, I feel truly grateful for that precise moment because if it wasn’t for that painful discussion I would still be there with my eyes closed shut. I turned around and never looked back.”
Karla (27 years old)
“The biggest issue was that we shared the same group of friends. After we had finished, we continued to see each other everywhere, parties, reunions, and dinners. I would see him with other girls, and I tried very hard not to care. It was obvious I still had feelings for him because I would answer his texts and kiss him at parties. His attitude, the girls he went out with, the growing addictions, his dysfunctional family, and his sloppy appearance opened my eyes to the fact that I shouldn’t be in love with him.
Denisse (24 years old)
“The moment I decided not to get back together was quite simple, but no less painful. There was a voice in my head pointing out every insecurity I harbored, and I began to doubt every step and decision I made. I became so insecure and hyperconscious that I knew I couldn’t live life that way. It is better to let go of a relationship that is not worth it and is slowly leaching away your strength. A definite goodbye.”
Natasha (28 years old)
“We decided to take a break because we both felt we needed time to breathe and sort things out. His way of sorting things out was by going out every night, getting wasted, and having sex with as many partners as possible. I heard of every single indiscretion, and when we finally met up I told him I didn’t want to continue with the relationship. He is married now and he finally found The One. Obviously I was not willing to be that person for him and vice versa.”
Gabriela (33 years old).
The figure of the “Ex” is a key piece in the game of regret and punishment some of us wish to inflict upon our minds and hearts from time to time. I wish to point out that there is no point regretting or lamenting a decision made by the person who we used to be. If we are to turn back and scour through the cobwebs of the past, it must be done for the purpose of introspection and self-analysis.
Tears wait for no one, and the energy we pour into thinking about someone who we once saw as the ultimate love must be directed in a positive way. Even as your chest tightens in pain for the parting of someone who broke your heart, in that millisecond give thanks for that love and for the lessons imparted. Sometimes, you can even say thanks that this person has left your life for good.
