Psychologist Georgina Reyes shares her perspective on choosing the right partner. How did you choose yours?
Being in a relationship generates feelings and emotions that give life a certain meaning, making us feel that every day will be filled with moments of joy and belonging.
However, we can all be afraid to make mistakes, and nobody wants to feel the pain of a broken heart. That’s how we can experience feelings of disillusion and an inability to handle negative emotions due to intolerance, selfishness, or immaturity.
It’s true that what we see in our family will affect our chances of analyzing our decision to be with someone or not.
We need to remember that love should be a pleasant feeling, and that it shouldn’t come from the fundamental idealization of being loved by someone. On the contrary, in love, we should look for freedom and feel romantic love as naturally and spontaneously as possible.
Unfortunately, many people rush into a new relationship out of fear of being alone, and that is when they confuse love with need, or need with love.
We choose someone by justifying unwittingly, by comparing or imagining situations, and by trying to mold the potential relationship to other examples, usually from our family or people around us.
The biggest mistake we make when “choosing” a partner is looking for someone who shares our own characteristics, and missing out on the opportunity to complement our life with someone else’s.
Nonetheless, the thing is we can’t really choose like this, since that would mean having multiple options to choose from based on how close they come to our ideals or what we’ve imagined for ourselves, but real life isn’t like that.
We choose people we are attracted to, and there are factors that can predict the relationship’s success, like religion, lifestyle, tastes, and values, among others.
In other words, there is no pre-set point where we are ready choose who we want to be in a relationship with. It is during this process that human beings need to feel accepted and to spend time with the other person in order to give way to a series of various experiences.
The chances of the relationship succeeding depend on both parties’ levels of self-esteem. A lack of self-awareness will lead to moments of frustration and insecurity, where one person will ask the other one to solve their own personal conflicts and blame them for their unhappiness.
Love is a unique and personal experience, which is why we need to define our relationship goals with clarity of mind, peace, and certainty of what we want in a partner and a relationship.
Translated by Zoralis Pérez
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