She once said "Love is a losing game." And it was one that took over Amy Winehouse's life.
Amy Winehouse may have had an unforgettable voice that will be remembered for years to come, but actually, she did not set out to be the immortal and tragic figure she is today. All she wanted was love and the search for a true connection led her to an early death by overdose at the age of 27. She might have fallen for the wrong man, but it was her vulnerability that took its toll.
We’ve all seen the pictures of Amy stumbling about, a glass of vodka in hand, traces of cocaine on her nose, and a crack pipe on the floor. What never seemed to be shown was the young woman desperate for unconditional love, longing to feel safe and accepted. Her biggest addiction wasn’t drugs or alcohol. Amy died because of love.
Amy met Blake Fielder-Civil at a Pub in London in 2004. She was in the early stages of her career and he was working as a video production assistant. Their attraction was immediate, and she surrendered all of herself to this relationship.
Her fame grew, and her career seemed to be reaching a peak point. The world knew her name, but all that mattered was that the one who had left a scar on her heart had returned. In 2007, the couple got back together, married, and went down a rabbit hole that Amy was never able to get out of.
What they had was a co-dependent and unbalanced relationship. They couldn’t be with or without each other. On one occasion, their fighting got to the point where bottles were broken, causing most of the glass to cut Blake’s skin. It was the sight of blood that ended the fight. According to her then-husband, Amy then cut herself with a shard as proof of her love.
Self-destruction became the constant for the diva. She’d cancel shows just to stay high and preferred to visit her husband in jail over a more stable routine. The logical thing was for Amy to stay away, and she tried with all her rage and self-esteem to get clean.
But it was almost as if a force field prevented her from separating from Blake. They would break each other’s heart over and over and attempt to get better together. But it never worked.
Amy would’ve given up all the fame, all the recognition to be loved for who she was. Instead, she ended up being consumed by the wrong kind of love.
Translated by María Suárez