Sicilian illustrator Filippo Spinelli perfectly captures the melancholy of a breakup in black and white. His illustrations are obvious allegories of what we go through when our hearts are broken, and at the same time, they are one step ahead, forcing us to confront our loneliness.
How can you evoke this solitude and heartbreak?
When I look back I can finally see we were happy, and that it was life’s mission to bring us together only to tear us apart. I admit, being with you was a small window into the world of bliss, but it was quickly shut and I was left in a dark room. I don’t dwell on this, I don’t yearn for the past and nor am I waiting for you to appear just around the bend. We simply lived a few glorious seconds, and everything was painstakingly filtered, making us believe that we were experiencing absolute joy.
Today you are far away, and I cannot pretend that you didn’t exist and you were only a fantasy of mine I conjured up at night. I cannot scoff and call this ephemeral relationship “unimportant” and nor will I only focus on the bad times. This hopelessness that has become attached to my soul is due to my inability to forget you. Each day begins with the fantasy that somehow I can reach across the bed and touch your body, but soon this illusion cracks and I keenly feel your absence. What are you doing at this precise moment? Do you think of me? Your ghost is fading but in many ways you cling to the ordinary things of my daily life, simple, innocuous objects that become imbued with your presence. The other day I was drinking my morning coffee, and I recalled how you held my mug and took a sip. I just stared at the dark liquid as it sloshed around the white mug.
You were and are everything to me. By losing you I said goodbye to your physical presence but I conjured up a spiritual one using every remembrance. It is enough for me to listen to a single guitar chord for me to recall all the songs I dedicated in your name or that we sung together. I wish I could open a book and not fear finding between the lines a voice, which is yours, calling out to me. I want to go back to the places we went together and not have to look over my shoulder fearing that I will see you.
Can we erase the life we shared together? The pain is harrowing, but I don’t hate or resent you. I want to forget you because time, it seems, does not heal all wounds, and each day is a reminder of the time I have spent away from you. There is no anger; it has all been drained by this immutable loneliness. You are far away, and I cannot reach you.
I seek the memory, your love, hoping I can go back in time. The more you appear in my mind, the more I know you are a senseless obsession I will soon overcome. This pain is bittersweet because while I relish the memories and I see you in the small details of my life, I still feel this heavy, silent pain that comes with a bitter breakup.
I hope to see you again once all this thunderstorm of emotion has passed. I hope I learn all the lessons this parting wishes to teach me, and I sincerely hope this grey monotony that has cast a shadow on my life will also fade away. I hope to remember that life is filled with colors and is not a monochromatic journey of a white emptiness you left behind.
After all, there is always a way out of this heartbreak.
See more of his work here.
