Before the stadium tours. Before Piano Man. Before the countless hits—Billy Joel was just a guy in a band who fell in love with the wrong woman.
In the early 1970s, Joel was in Attila, a short-lived rock duo with drummer Jon Small—his best friend. But behind the music, something darker brewed: Joel had fallen for Small’s wife, Elizabeth Weber.
“I’m in love with your wife,” Joel confessed to Small, after weeks of growing tension.
The betrayal cut deep—there was a child involved, a shared home, a band—and a friendship that would fracture on impact.
“I felt like a homewrecker,” Joel recalled in Billy Joel: And So It Goes, the new documentary that just premiered at Tribeca Festival. “I got punched in the nose, which I deserved.”
Attila ended. Weber left. Joel spiraled.
Billy Joel’s Darkest Chapter: Sleeping in Laundromats, Living in Despair
With nowhere to live and nowhere to run, Joel was broken in every sense of the word. He drank heavily. He slept in laundromats. And eventually, he decided there was only one way out.
“I figured, ‘That’s it. I don’t want to live anymore,’” Joel said in the documentary. “Why hang out? Tomorrow is going to be just like today—and today sucks.”
He wasn’t being dramatic. He was serious. And he tried.
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The First Attempt: Sleeping Pills and a Coma
Joel’s sister Judy, a medical assistant at the time, gave him sleeping pills hoping to help him rest. But he took them all.
“He was in a coma for days and days and days,” Judy recalled, holding back tears. “I thought that I’d killed him.”
Joel survived. Barely. But the pain didn’t end when he woke up.
In fact, it intensified.
“I remember thinking, ‘I have to do this again—but right this time,’” he said. And so, he tried again—this time with Lemon Pledge.
The Second Attempt—and an Unexpected Savior
It was Jon Small—his former bandmate and the man he had betrayed—who saved his life.
Even as their friendship crumbled, Small found Joel after his second suicide attempt and drove him to the hospital. He didn’t yell. He didn’t ask questions. He just acted.
“Eventually I forgave him,” Small says in the film. “The only practical answer I can give as to why Billy took it so hard was because he loved me that much—and that it killed him to hurt me that much.”
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The Music That Came After
After a short stay in a psychiatric observation ward, Joel emerged changed. He no longer wanted to die—but he also didn’t want to forget.
“I thought to myself, you can utilize all those emotions to channel that stuff into music,” he said.
And that’s exactly what he did.
His song “Tomorrow Is Today”, written for the Cold Spring Harbor album, captures the bleakness of those days:
“Oh my I’m goin’ to the river / Gonna take a ride and the lord will deliver me / Made my bed, I’m gonna lie in it / If you don’t come, sure gonna die in it.”
It wasn’t just a lyric. It was a warning. And a survival note.
The Ghost That Still Lingers
Joel, now 76, was absent from the premiere. He’s paused performances after a recent diagnosis of normal pressure hydrocephalus, a brain condition that can impact memory and balance. But the film’s timing—and the stories it unearths—feels pointed.
We talk a lot about artists channeling pain into greatness. But rarely do we sit with just how close that pain came to ending everything.
Joel didn’t just survive betrayal, addiction, and mental illness. He made it through the moments he most wanted to disappear. And then, somehow, he turned it all into songs we still sing today.
See also: Billy Joel Cancels Tour Due to a Tragic Diagnosis That Puts His Life at Risk
Important Notice on Suicide Prevention
If you or someone you know is experiencing a difficult time in the United States, please remember that help is available. There are organizations dedicated to providing immediate support in moments of crisis:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988): Available 24/7 nationwide to provide assistance for emotional distress.
- Crisis Text Line: Text “HELLO” to 741741 for support via text messaging.
- Veterans Crisis Line (988, then press 1): A specialized support line for veterans.
Reaching out can make a big difference. Mental health is important, and there are people ready to listen and offer support.
