Netflix’s miniseries Adolescence is doing more than just trending — it’s reigniting a conversation about incels and the dark corners of the internet where these ideologies thrive. The scariest part? Many young people are exposed to these toxic ideas without even realizing it, slowly adopting beliefs that can turn them into emotionally dangerous individuals. And that’s exactly what the series shows.
The Red Flags: How to Spot an Incel
A viral video recently broke down five signs that someone might have been pulled into these online circles — and how it changes the way they interact with the world.
Desire and contempt for women… at the same time
Incels have a twisted relationship with women. They fantasize about having a girlfriend, follow women on social media, and obsessively watch them — but also deeply resent them. They blame women for all their personal frustrations, refuse to have female friends, and talk about them with open hatred. To them, women are the root of their misery.
Extreme self-pity (fueled by online forums)
One of the core beliefs in incel ideology is the so-called 20/80 theory — that 80% of women only want the top 20% of men, leaving the rest “doomed” to be forever alone. It’s a mindset that convinces them they’re ugly, worthless, and unwanted — feeding into a constant cycle of victimhood and resentment.
Obsession with finding a male ‘leader’
Many incels seek out male figures who tell them how to be a “real man.” Influencers like Andrew Tate become role models, with their misogynistic takes being repeated and normalized in incel communities.
Craving validation… from other men
Their real goal often isn’t even about women — it’s about being seen as dominant by other men. The obsession with being “alpha” takes over, and romantic interest is replaced by a hunger for male approval and competition.
Frustration that turns into violence
When their expectations aren’t met, the result is often anger — sometimes towards others, sometimes towards themselves. In extreme cases, this turns into self-harm or real-world acts of violence.
Bonus red flag: the language they use
Incels have their own slang — terms like red pill, femoid, or blackpill are major giveaways. These words come straight from their forums and help reinforce their sense of belonging to a “movement.”
So… What Do You Do If Someone Close To You Starts Talking Like This?
The truth is, you can’t “save” someone overnight. Incel ideology is deeply rooted in online communities that constantly fuel their resentment. Breaking through that echo chamber takes time — and a lot of patience.
What not to do: mock them or start a fight. For many incels, any form of criticism just feeds into their belief that “the world is against them.” The goal isn’t to debate — it’s to slowly pop the bubble they’re trapped in.
- Read also: The Disturbing Psychology Behind Jamie Murdering Katie in Netflix’s ‘Adolescence’ Miniseries
Here are some strategies that actually help:
- Ask reflective questions: Instead of telling them they’re wrong, try. “Why do you think all women are like that?” or “Do you really believe every guy outside that ‘top 20%’ is doomed?” Questions like these can plant seeds of doubt.
- Expose them to new perspectives: Recommend movies, books, or creators that challenge their views — subtly. The goal is to open their minds, not attack their beliefs head-on.
- Get to the root of their frustration: Many incels don’t actually hate women — they’re dealing with rejection, low self-esteem, or a deep fear of failure. Helping them see this can be a starting point.
- Take threats seriously: Most incels stay in the realm of online hate — but some don’t. If someone close to you starts expressing violent thoughts, don’t brush it off. Talk to someone you trust and take action if needed.
Not everyone will want to change — and that’s the hard truth. But calling out incel ideology and helping others understand its red flags is essential. Because the more we talk about it, the harder it becomes for this toxic mindset to keep spreading unnoticed.
