The problem when ending a relationship is that you don’t want to end up being painted as the bad guy, and as a result, you try to fix things and soften the blow. Ending things with someone you love is terrible, but realizing that you were the one responsible for this downward spiral is almost unbearable. The thought of being the guilty party for this “Toxic Relationship” is too much to handle because for a time you promised to love, respect, and trust that person, but now you must face the fact that perhaps you were the source of the unhappiness.
Assuming part of the blame is never easy, most of all because you have to look back and analyze your behavior and attitude. But remember, you are on time to change your behavior and take on a new path. Toxic people repel others and especially their partners, friends, and family members, and they are left on their own stewing on their own resentment, anger, and unwillingness to forgive and, most importantly, to seek forgiveness.
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10. You don’t know how to assume responsibility
If in a discussion all you want to do is win and to get that victory you blame your partner for your own faults, then the red lights are flashing. No one is perfect, and if you can’t admit your own errors, then it is one of the fastest ways to wear down a relationship .
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9. You avoid confrontation
If the problems are piling up and you have no clue as to how to deal with them, the worst thing you could do is shove them under the carpet, out of sight. Speaking is never easy, especially on delicate and sensitive subjects. Always try to be honest and empathetic in these conversations and avoid the itch to simply turn a blind eye to all the problems you face as a couple.
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8. You realize the damage you have caused
Perhaps in this process of self-analysis this is the hardest to overcome, because you finally understand that by having the final word, you were the one who put an end to all of this and that things will never be the same for either of you. You will look back and see all the bad little things you caused, which slowly accumulated, until finally you realize that you were the toxic person in this game of two.
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7. You tried to change your partner
We always yearn for someone who will accept us just as we are and not seek to change our essence. We fight to be true to ourselves but among the many fights, you might see that the one forcing this unwanted change in the other is you. Perhaps you may wonder why they don’t smile anymore, go out with friends, or enjoy spending time with you. In this you can be sure that you had a part to play.
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6. You blame your partner for everything
If they were late, you blame their lack of punctuality; if they forgot an anniversary, you blame their memory, and if they made you angry, you lash out. In all this finger pointing, your own mistakes are the last thing on your mind. If they in turn complain about your behavior, you have a list of excuses, and so begins the counterattack where you always come on top.
Photograph by Melania Brescia
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5. You always find the other side of the story
If the cards are not in your favor, you find a way to make the other party pay. You cannot bear the idea of you being in the wrong, and so you are swift to judge others before they turn their sights to your own faults. It is even worse when you distort the truth and the facts to suit your own story.
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4. You became obsessed with all the negative aspects
The good must always outweigh the bad. Focusing on the bad things in a relationship can make you lose sight of why you’re in that relationship to begin with. When things are over and you are in that depressing slump, it is good to think back on the good, bittersweet times.
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3. You relish being the victim
To take on the role of the victim excuses you from accepting your own mistakes. You might not even realize you are falling on that role, but if you begin to see that you’re adopting the behavioral traits of a victim, it is best to backtrack. You are not a victim, and it is a sticky persona to adopt, one that leads nowhere.
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2. You need constant validation
If you ask your partner all the time if they love you and you question every single detail, then it is an indication that you are living and clinging onto that person. It is normal to desire a deep bond with your partner but latching on and living under their shadow is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.
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1. You are not capable of ending things
Maybe you don’t get along well anymore, the good days are long past, and your lives are heading on different directions, but you are unwilling to accept this. You are clinging on to a bad relationship in the hopes that people will think you are leading a great life and, most toxic of all, not allowing the other person to be happy with someone else.