At the start everything’s intense. The knock on the door incites the one inside to run to the entrance while peeling off layers of clothing with remarkable coordination. By the time they open the door, they’re barely in their underwear, which will soon be gone too.
The first reaction is for lips to collide with desperate desire. Sometimes the need to come together is so strong that the two never reach the bedroom and both lovers fall to the floor. That kind of passion is the one we’re constantly striving for. But time and routine slowly start to turn the flame to low, until one day they’re in the middle of Julio Cortazar’s “Love 77”:
“And after they do all the things they do, they get up, take a bath, powder themselves, perfume themselves, comb their hair, get dressed, and gradually turn into what they’re not.”
One day these two lovers come to realize they’ve become strangers.
If you and your partner are unsure of whether you’re growing apart in a sexual way, check the following signs, and hope they’re not you.
No more foreplay
After the longing and desire, the next step is recognition. It’s here when each lover takes their time to explore the other’s body and trace on it a romantic treasure map. Once there is no more playful touching and kissing, it might mean trouble.
The routine has erased romantic escapades
It’s always great to take a break from the daily grind that never ends. Planning a romantic getaway to the beach, a weekend road trip, or even one night at a hotel, can be a perfect excuse to reignite the love. When both of you stop making time, something’s not right.
Excuses to not be alone
In a healthy relationship, it’s only natural to try and have some quality time together that can lead to sexy time. But when it seems that there’s always some excuse to not be alone together, it’s a clear sign of distance between the two. This is an obvious denial of intimacy.
No more oral sex
Everyone likes oral sex, both giving and receiving. When this fundamental part of sexual closeness is gone, it means priorities have changed. At this rate soon enough there won’t even be any kind of penetration.
There’s no suggestion of trying new positions
When fulfilling their deepest desires, couples will do any kind of acrobatics and contortions to try new and exciting positions that would make the Kama Sutra blush. But when things are not going right the only available style is the missionary.
There’s suspicion of fake orgasms
Both men and women can fake pleasure at different levels. They can moan, scream, talk dirty, and cry God’s name to prove this. But if the penis is not entirely erect or the vagina sufficiently lubricated, it speaks of a lack of desire. If you’ve noticed these symptoms, you and your partner might be having sex because you feel you have to, not because you want to.
No more charming filthy texts
It’s a beautiful thing to wake up in the middle of the night and find a dirty pic in your inbox. And you know what they say, a nude is answered with a nude. When things start getting cold, those desire-filled messages are left to a simple “Good night.”
Clothes stay on during sex
Skin on skin is the most intimate feeling between two people. When everything is still new and fresh it’s almost an obligation to take every item off. But then it’s more comfortable to only lower the pants. This seemingly innocent act can indicate the sexual ritual its losing its value. What’s next, men just unzipping the pants and women moving the panties to the side?
No quality or quantity
Fatigue and stress affects sex. There’s nothing wrong with this happening every now and then, but if it becomes the norm, then you should worry. Couples growing apart in a sexual way don’t care if coitus lasts three minutes instead of eight.
Both know something’s wrong but don’t talk about it
Despite both parties feeling unsatisfied, they don’t think of ways to fix it. When problems are silenced, it’s a sign of disinterest. When this happens it’s only a matter of time before the relationship ends.
Translated by María Suárez
