Would you rather have a long-lasting, healthy relationship with a person you love, but with terrible sex? Or would you prefer having the best sex of your life while in a terrible relationship?
Of course, in real life, things aren’t that simple because there is more to a relationship than just sex or having a good time with a person. However, for some people, bad sex can be enough to end the bond, especially if, for them, sex is an essential part of being with someone. But, as I said before, things aren’t that simple, and there are several kinds of relationships and ways of sharing a connection with someone else.
For instance, what if you meet someone with all the qualities and traits you want in a partner, but they’re bad in bed? Or what if you don’t think sex is a big deal in your relationship, but your partner does? Perhaps bad sex doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does, it’s so bad it makes you reconsider whether you want to stay in the relationship or not. And then, there’s the issue with new relationships. When you’re in that stage when you’re head over heels. You feel like everything about your crush is perfect, and you feel like they’re the best person in the world. But then that fantasy is shattered with that first hook-up.
Right now, I’m going to focus in this particular case. It could be really upsetting to find out your new partner isn’t that good at sex. However, should this be a deal breaker? In this case, I’d say not necessarily. Most likely, you won’t reach the best orgasms of your life the first time you’re with someone because you’re just starting to get to know each other.
This can be easily solved if you tell your partner what you like and don’t like. This implies, on the one hand, self-awareness and knowing what turns you on and what you want in bed. On the other hand, one of the most important elements to consider while fixing this issue is communication between you and your partner. Being honest is key when it comes to improving your sexual life. You may feel embarrassed about telling them you don’t like something, but telling them what you like and how you feel is essential if you want things to improve. Of course, you won’t just go and tell them, “You know what? Sex last night was pretty bland/awkward/not my thing.” Find a private moment in which both of you are comfortable –not during foreplay or sexy time, because that will make things awkward. Bring up the issue by telling them what you like and listening to what they say as well.
After this, you’ll probably find out whether the two of you are sexually compatible. What do I mean by this? Maybe you like dirty talk, but your partner finds it too awkward. Perhaps they’re way more into foreplay than you. This might make you think that you’re incompatible, but really, it’s not the end of the world, and there’s things you can do about it. If you’re willing to go on with the relationship despite this issue, try to incorporate your what you both like. For instance, you might help them a little with the dirty talk and make it a part of the foreplay. It’s about getting creative and making sure that both of you enjoy the moment.
However, sex should never be a burden. If that bad first hookup outweighs the rest of possible pros in your relationship and you think it’s enough for you to end the relationship, that’s fine. And of course, the more you get to know yourself, the easier it’ll be to find a sexually satisfying relationship. But if the issue is solvable, don’t think of it as the end of the world. Work it out as a couple and turn this problem into a way to connect even more.