By Mistress K for Kinkly.com
He did something that day that was really, really good. What was it? You can remember the intense feeling of satisfaction you felt for days on end afterwards, but you can’t, for the life of you, remember what it was that caused it. What did you and your partner do beforehand? Was it a good date? Or maybe it was the hot sex? But why was it so passionate? Ugh. Despite trying for the past three months to rekindle similar feelings, you can’t figure out what happened that first time.
Or maybe you figured out how to hit that perfect internal spot during your masturbation session – and even made a mental note to tell your partner. In the shower afterwards, you brainstormed all the perfect words to say that would explain the exact motion you need. A week later, when the two of you have time to play, you can’t recall any of it – and now you’re just annoyed at yourself.
The Solution? Sex Journaling!
Sex journaling is the answer to those problems – and more. Sex journaling is just that: journaling with a focus on your sex life, your sexuality, and whatever else that means to you. Some people prefer to take a factual approach where they journal their encounters, what sex acts happened in those encounters, and how much they enjoyed them. Other people prefer a more introspective approach where they write out their thoughts about their sex lives, kinks, and things they’d like to do. Still others find that their sex journaling leads them to writing some impromptu erotica – and there’s nothing wrong with that!
No matter how you choose to approach sex journaling, the act of writing down your thoughts about sex can benefit your life in lots of different ways. Not only can it benefit your sex life, but it can benefit your self-esteem, your happiness in your relationship, and more. Here are some of the main benefits of learning how to write a sex journal:
It Helps You Remember Pleasurable Sessions
Did you have the “best sex ever!” last night? Write it down! Not only is sex journaling good for learning more about yourself, but it’s also great for reflection. How much detail (and what you choose to write!) is up to individual preference, but more detail can lead to better reflection. According to research regarding gratitude journals, writing down more details can lead to more positive feelings about the event as well. In the future, if you’re in a sex lull or just want to feel closer to your partner while they aren’t around, you can always read the journal entry and feel those positive sexual feelings again.
You Can Figure Out Your Best Sexual Foreplay
Now that you’ve started writing down some of your sexual adventures, go back and review them. Do you see any patterns? Do you tend to find your sex hotter after the two of you have flirted over a romantic dinner? Do you rate your sex as less satisfying after you’ve reached a certain point of inebriation? What types of preludes into sex tend to make you think sex is hotter and more enjoyable? Analyzing your sex life, and the things that lead into it, might help you figure out what things are great foreplay items. For example, I hadn’t realized that I needed about an hour’s worth of downtime and relaxation before starting into sex to help me feel like sex was more satisfying. For the longest time, my partner and I would just take foreplay slowly. I was regularly confused why the longer foreplay wasn’t helping me. Turns out, I needed some non-sexual downtime before good sex.
You learn more about yourself
Very few people spend hours us thinking about their sexuality and what they enjoy. Oh yes, lots of people spend those hours fantasizing and getting off, but most of us don’t think about our sex lives in non-sexual, introspective ways. Having a sex journal gives you that push (and inspiration!) to do so. Why do you like what you like? In what ways would you change your sex life? What do you feel is holding you back from a better sex life? How can you go about getting those things out of the way?
Some sex educators believe that journals can be a lovely place for self-discovery too. If you’re looking for writing prompts for your sex journal, consider some of these lovely books: Love and Lust: A Sex Journal by Susie Bright, Sex: An Erotic Journal for Sexual Inspiration and Exploration by Jordan LaRousse, and 365 Days of Kink: A Journal of Sexy Self-Discovery by Kink Academy.
It Prompts You to Think About New Things
Do you know what place is entirely safe to think about fantasies and things that scare you? That’s right: in a journal. Not only is no one judging you, but it allows you to collect your thoughts. Did you watch an adult film with choking and find yourself surprisingly turned on by it? You might feel shame – and enjoyment – at watching the scene. Instead of brushing it to the side, consider taking to your sex journal to write out why you think you had that reaction, whether it’s something you’d want to explore in person and what limitations you’d want in the beginning of exploration.
You Have Something to Share with Your Partner – If You Want
While the purpose of sex journaling is designed to be a solo and private activity, there’s nothing that says you can’t share an entry or some words with your partner. Depending on how you think, you might find that you feel more eloquent and easy-to-understand when you’re writing in your journal. For that reason, when your partner asks what your biggest fantasy is, you might consider letting them read about that in your journal. Sure, having back-and-forth conversation has its perks, but for some people who get tied up in verbal discourse (especially about sex!), it can be easier to write things out.
That being said, make sure your journal is an accepted private space for you. Sex journaling won’t be nearly as effective if you know you’re sharing every word with another person. It should be your personal space to delve into things without judgment.
Now that you know the benefits, you might be ready to dive on in. Here are some tips on how to get started.
Steps to Sex Journaling
First, keep in mind that sex journaling is just as simple as getting something down. If you’re frozen because you can’t figure out what system to use, don’t bother with a system. Just find a piece of paper and write. Open a word processor document on your computer and type. Open the audio recorder on your phone and speak! Whatever works for you is fine. Don’t let the method get in the way. Just start with whatever is near you. You can figure out what system you’d like to use later.
Once you’ve started journaling, a “preferred” method will probably jump out at you – and that’s OK. Use that!
If you’re writing with a pen or pencil, find a journal that really speaks to you and makes you happy to use. If finding blank pages in front of you is terrifying, consider one of the sex-specific journal books (with prompts) listed above.
If you’re typing, find a way that works for you. You might prefer the no-frills look of Notepad to avoid any distractions or fussing with settings. You might prefer a template you’ve made. You might prefer one of the journaling programs available online to help you decorate and back up your memories. While you should definitely keep security concerns in mind, try to find the best typing journal solution for you.
As for audio journaling, consider looking into programs designed to organize audio notes for classes and note-taking. Those may be great solutions to help you organize your audio notes into easy-to-reference dates. Some programs are even pretty good at transcribing – though you’ll likely need to help it out with the sex words. (Those don’t tend to be included into most programs!)
However you choose to approach it, learning how to write a sex journal can have a positive impact on your sex life if you stick with it, are honest, and actually explore your feelings. Sit down during every journal session with the intention of being true to yourself – and being honest with the paper. Happy journaling!
This content originally appeared on Kinkly.com and has been republished here with permission.
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